The matter over." "And pray, sir, what was 't?"
"Why, I was horrid sick, and, at the last,
I did throw up, and told my neighbour so,
Something that was as black, sir, as a crow."

XVII.

The Frenchman and the Rats.-ANONYMOUS.

A FRENCHMAN once, who was a merry wight,
Passing to town from Dover, in the night,
Near the road side an alehouse chanced to spy;
And being rather tired, as well as dry,
Resolved to enter, but first took a peep,
In hopes a supper he might get, and cheap.
He enters: "Hallo! Garcon, if you please,
Bring me a leetel bit of bread and cheese.
And, hallo! Garcon, a pot of portar too!" he said,
"Vich I sall take, and den myself to bed."

His supper done, some scraps of cheese were left, Which our poor Frenchman, thinking it no theft, Into his pocket put; then slowly crept

To wished for bed; but not a wink he slept-
For, on the floor, some sacks of flour were laid,
To which the rats a nightly visit paid.

Our hero now undressed, popped out the light,
Put on his cap, and bade the world good-night;
But first, his breeches, which contained the fare,
Under his pillow, he had placed with care.

Sans ceremonie, soon the rats all ran, And on the flour-sacks greedily began;

At which they gorged themselves; then smelling round,

Under the pillow, soon the cheese they found;
And, while of this a merry feast they make,

Their happy jaws the Frenchman's slumbers break;

Who, half awake, cries out, "Hallo! hallo!

Vat is dat nibbel at my pillow so?

Ah! 'tis one big huge rat!

Vat the diable is it he nibbel, nibbel, at?"
In vain our little hero sought repose;
Sometimes the vermin galloped o'er his nose

And such the pranks they kept up all the night,
That he, on end antipodes upright,
Bawling aloud, called stoutly for a light.
"Hallo! Maison! Garcon, I say!

Bring me de bill for vat I have to pay!"

The bill was brought, and to his great surprise,
Ten shillings was the charge, he scarce believes his eyes;
With eager haste, he runs it o'er,

And every time he viewed it, thought it more.
"Vy zounds and zounds!" he cries, "I sall no pay;
Vat, charge ten shelangs for vat I've mangé ?
A leetel sup of portar, dis vile bed,

Vare all de rats do run about my head?"

"Plague on those rats!" the landlord muttered out; "I wish, upon my word, that I could make 'em scout: I'll pay him well that can." "Vat's dat you say?" "I'll pay him well that can." "Attend to me, I pray : Vill you dis charge forego, vat I am at, If from your house I drive away de rat?" "With all my heart," the jolly host replies, Ecoutez donc, ami ;" the Frenchman cries. 'First, den,-Regardez, if you please,

..

Bring to dis spot a leetel bread and cheese,
Eh bien! a pot of portar too;

And den invite de rats to sup vid you;
And after-no matter dey be villing-

For vat dey eat, you charge dem just ten shelang:
And I am sure, ven dey behold de score,
Dey'll quit your house, and never come no more."

XVIII.

The Best of Wives.-ANONYMOUS.

A MAN had once a vicious wife
(A most uncommon thing in life);
His days and nights were spent in strife

Unceasing.

Her tongue went glibly all day long,
Sweet contradiction still her song,
And all the poor man did was wrong,

And ill done.

A truce without doors or within,

From speeches long as tradesmen spin,

Or rest from her eternal din,

He found not.

He every soothing art displayed;
Tried of what stuff her skin was made:
Failing in all, to Heaven he prayed

To take her.

Once walking by a river's side,
In mournful terms, "My dear," he cried,
"No more let feuds our peace divide,

I'll end them.

"Weary of life, and quite resigned, To drown I have made up my mind, So tie my hands as fast behind

"Or Nature may assert her reign, My arms assist, my will restrain, And swimming, I once more regain

As can be:

My troubles."

With eager haste the dame complies,
While joy stands glistening in her eyes
Already in her thoughts he dies

"Yet, when I view the rolling tide, Nature revolts," he said; "beside, I would not be a suicide,

Before her.

And die thus.

"It would be better far, I think, While close I stand upon the brink, You push me in-nay, never shrink,

To give the blow the more effect,
Some twenty yards she ran direct,
And did what she could least expect

But do it."

She should do.

He slips aside, himself to save,

So souse she dashes in the wave,
And gave what ne'er before she gave,

Much pleasure.

"Dear husband, help! I sink!" she cried; Thou best of wives!" the man replied, "I would-but you my hands have tied, God help ye!"

XIX.

The Doctor and his Apprentice.-COLMAN.

A PUPIL of the Esculapian school
Was just prepared to quit his master's rule;
Not that he knew his trade, as it appears,
But that he then had learnt it seven years.

One morn he thus addressed his master:
"Dear sir, my honoured father bids me say,
If I could now and then a visit pay,
He thinks, with you,

To notice how you do,

My business I might learn a little faster."

"The thought is happy," the preceptor cries;
"A better method he could scarce devise;
So Bob," (his pupil's name) "it shall be so;
And when I next pay visits, you shall go."

To bring that hour, alas! time briskly fled :
With dire intent,

Away they went,

And now behold them at a patient's bed.

The master-doctor solemnly perused

His victim's face, and o'er his symptoms mused;
Looked wise, said nothing-an unerring way,
When people nothing have to say:

Then felt his pulse, and smelt his cane,
And paused, and blinked, and smelt again,

And briefly of his corps performed each motion; Manœuvres that for Death's platoon are meant: A kind of a Make-ready-and-Present,

Before the fell discharge of pill and potion.

At length the patient's wife he thus addressed:
"Madam, your husband's danger's great,
And (what will never his complaint abate)
The man 's been eating oysters, I perceive."-
"Dear! you're a witch, I verily believe,"
Madam replied, and to the truth confessed.

Skill so prodigious Bobby too admired;
And home returning, of the sage inquired
How these same oysters came into his head?
"Psha! my dear Bob, the thing was plain-
Sure that can ne'er distress thy brain;

I saw the shells lie underneath the bed."

So wise, by such a lesson grown,
Next day Bob ventured forth alone,

And to the self-same sufferer paid his court-
But soon, with haste and wonder out of breath,
Returned the stripling minister of death,

And to his master made this dread report:
"Why, sir, we ne'er can keep that patient under;
Zounds! such a maw I never came across!
The fellow must be dying, and no wonder,

For ne'er believe me if he has n't eat a horse!"

"A horse!" the elder man of physic cried
As if he meant his pupil to deride-
"How got so wild a notion in your head?
"How! think not in my duty I was idle;
Like you, I took a peep beneath the bed,'
And there I saw a saddle and a bridle!"

XX.

Right of Discovery.-IRVING.

THE first source of right, by which property is acquired in a country, is discovery. For as all mankind