Mrs. Malaprop, to the more important point in the debate; you say you have no objection to my proposal?

Mrs. M. None, I assure you. I am under no positive engagement with Mr. Acres; and, as Lydia is so obstinate against him, perhaps your son may have better success.

Sir Anth. Well, madam, I will write for the boy directly. He knows not a syllable of this yet, though I have for some time had the proposal in my head. He is at present with his regiment.

Mrs. M. We have never seen your son, Sir Anthony; but I hope no objection on his side.

Sir Anth. Objection! let him object if he dare! No, no, Mrs. Malaprop; Jack knows, that the least demur puts me into a frenzy directly. My process was always very simple: in his younger days, 'twas "Jack, do this;" if he demurred, I knocked him down! and, if he grumbled at that, I always sent him out of the room.

Mrs. M. Ay, and the properest way! nothing is so conciliating to young people as severity. Well, Sir Anthony, I shall give Mr. Acres his discharge, and prepare Lydia to receive your son's invocations; and I hope you will represent her to the Captain as an object not altogether illegible.

Sir Anth. Madam, I will handle the subject prudently. Well, I must leave you; and, let me beg you, Mrs. Malaprop, to enforce this matter roundly to the girl take : my advice, keep a tight hand; if she reject this proposal, clap her under lock and key; and, if you were just to let the servant forget to bring her dinner for three or four days, you can't conceive how she'd come about.

RICHARD BRINSLEY SHERIDAN.

FROM "THE RIVALS."

No. II.

Two Characters.-SIR LUCIUS O'TRIGGER and BOB ACRES. (With pistols.)

Acres. By my valour, then, Sir Lucius, forty yards is a good distance. Odds levels and aims! I say, it is a good distance.

Sir L. It is for muskets, or small field pieces; Mr. Acres, you must leave these things to me. Stay, now-I'll show you. (Measures paces.) There, now, that is a very pretty distance; a pretty gentleman's distance.

Acres. We might as well fight in a sentry-box! I tell you, Sir Lucius, the farther he is off, the cooler I shall take my aim.

Sir L. Then, I suppose you would aim at him best of all if he was out of sight!

Acres. No, Sir Lucius; but I should think forty, or eightand-thirty yards

Sir L. Pho! pho! nonsense! three or four feet between the mouths of your pistols is as good as a mile.

Acres. No! by my valour there is no merit in killing him so near! Do, my dear Sir Lucius, let me bring him down at a long shot: a long shot, Sir Lucius, if you love me!

Sir L. Well: the gentleman's friend and I must settle that. But tell me now, Mr. Acres, in case of an accident, is there any little will or commission I could execute for you?

Acres. I am much obliged to you, Sir Lucius; but I don't understand

Sir L. Why, you may think there's no being shot at without a little risk; and, if an unlucky bullet should carry a quietus with it-I say, it will be no time then to be bothering you about family matters

Acres. A quietus!

Sir L. For instance, now; if that should be the case, would

you choose to be pickled, and sent home? or would it be the same to you to lie here in the Abbey? I'm told there is very snug lying in the Abbey.

Acres. Pickled! Snug lying in the Abbey! Sir Lucius, don't talk so!

Sir L. I suppose, Mr. Acres, you were never engaged in an affair of this kind before?

Acres. No, Sir Lucius, never before.

Sir L. Ah! that's a pity; there's nothing like being used to a thing. Pray, how would you receive the gentleman's shot? Acres. I've practised that; there, Sir Lucius, there-(puts himself into an attitude)—a side-front, eh? I'll make myself small enough; I'll stand edgeways.

Sir L. Now, you're quite out; for if you stand so when I take my aim-(Levelling at him).

Acres. Sir Lucius! are you sure it is not cocked?

Sir L. Never fear.

Acres. But-but--you don't know; it may go off of its own head!

Sir L. Pho! be easy. Well, now, if I hit you in the body, my bullet has a double chance; for if it misses a vital part on your right side, 'twill be very hard if it don't succeed on the left.

Acres. A vital part!

Sir L. But there; fix yourself so-(placing him)-let him see the broadside of your full front; there-now a ball or two may pass clean through your body, and never do you any harm at all.

Acres. Clean through me; a ball or two clean through me! Sir L. Ay, may they; and it is much the genteelest attitude in the bargain.

Acres. Lookye, Sir Lucius. I'd just as lieve be shot in an awkward posture, as a genteel one; so, by my valour! I will stand edgeways.

Sir L. (Looking at his watch.) Sure, they don't mean to disappoint us; ha! no. I think I see them coming.

Acres. Eh! what! coming!

Sir L. Ay, who are those yonder, getting over the stile? Acres. There are two of them indeed! well, let them come; hey, Sir Lucius ! we-we-we-we won't run.

Sir L. Run!

Acres. No, I say, we won't run, by my valour! My dear friend; my dear Sir Lucius; I—I—I don't feel quite so bold somehow as I did.

Sir L. O fie! consider your honour.

Acres. Ay true; my honour; do, Sir Lucius, edge in a word or two, every now and then, about my honour.

Sir L. Well, here they're coming. (Looking.)

Acres. Sir Lucius, if I wasn't with you I should almost think I was afraid. If my valour should leave me! valour will come and go.

Sir L. Then pray keep it fast while you have it.

Acres. Sir Lucius; I doubt it is going; yes, my valour is certainly going, it is sneaking off! I feel it oozing out as it were, at the palms of my hands.

Sir L. Your honour; your honour-here they are.

Acres. Oh, that I was safe at Clod Hall! or could be shot before I was aware.

RICHARD BRINSLEY SHERIDAN.

FROM "SHE STOOPS TO CONQUER."

Four Characters.-LANDLORD, TONY LUMPKIN, MARLOW,

and HASTINGS.

Present TONY LUMPKIN.

[Enter Landlord.

Land. There be two gentlemen in a post-chaise at the door. They have lost their way upo' the forest, and they are talking something about Mr. Hardcastle.

Tony. As sure as can be, one of them must be the gentleman that's coming down to court my sister. Do they seem to be Londoners?

Land. I believe they may. They look woundily like Frenchmen.

...

Tony. Then desire them to step this way, and I'll set them right in a twinkling. [Exit Landlord.] .. Father-in-law has been calling me whelp, and hound, this half-year. Now, if I pleased, I could be so revenged upon the old grumbletonian. But, then, I'm afraid-afraid of what? I shall soon be worth fifteen hundred a-year, and let him frighten me out of that if he can.

Enter Landlord, conducting MARLOW and HASTINGS.

Mar. What a tedious, uncomfortable day have we had of it! We were told it was but forty miles across the country, and we have come above threescore.

Hast. And all, Marlow, from that unaccountable reserve of yours, that would not let us inquire more frequently on the way.

Mar. I own, Hastings, I am unwilling to lay myself under an obligation to every one I meet; and often stand the chance of an unmannerly answer.

Hast. At present, however, we are not likely to receive any answer.

Tony. No offence, gentlemen; but I'm told you have been inquiring for one Mr. Hardcastle in those parts. Do you know what part of the country you are in?

Hast. Not in the least, sir; but should thank you for information.

Tony. Nor the way you came?

Hast. No, sir; but if you can inform us

Tony. Why, gentlemen, if you know neither the road you are going, nor where you are, nor the road you came, the