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S. Can't do that; I'm bound to get off my speech first. You see it's running over like a bottle of beer, and I can't keep it in. So here goes:

"My name is Norval; on the Grampian Hills

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T. (interrupting him, commences his piece in a loud tone.) "Friends, Romans, countrymen !"

S. Greeks, Irishmen, and fellow-sojers!

7. "Lend me your ears.

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S. Don't you do it; he's got ears enough of his own.

T. "I come to bury Cæsar, not to praise him."

S. (mimicing his gestures.) I come to speak my piece, and I'll do it, Cæsar or no Cæsar. My name is Norval

T. ('advancing towards him in a threatening attitude.) Sly, if you don't stop your fooling I'll put you off the stage.

Sam

S. (retreating.) Don't, don't you touch me, Tom; you'll joggle my piece all out of me again.

T. Well, then, keep still until I get through. (Turns to the audience.)

"Friends, Romans, countrymen! lend me your ears ;

I come to bury Cæsar, not to praise him."

S. I say, Tommy, what are you bla-a-a-a-r-ting about; have you lost your calf?

T. "The evil that men do lives after them,

The good is oft interred with their bones.

So let it be with Cæsar."

(He is again brought to a stand by Sam, who is standing behind him, mimicing his gestures in a ludicrous manner.)

Now, Sam, I tell you to stop your monkey shines; if you do n't, I'll make you!

S. You stop spouting about Cæsar, then, and let me have my say. You need n't think you can cheat me out of my rights because you wear higher heeled shoes than I do.

T. I can tell you one thing, sir-nothing but your size saves you from a good flogging..

S. Well, that is a queer coincidence, for I can tell you that nothing but your size saves you from a good dose of Solomon's grand panacea. (To the audience.) I don't know what can be done with such a long-legged fellow-he's too big to be whipped, and he is 't big enough to behave himself. Now, all keep still, and let me begin again: "My name is Norval—”

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S. I thought you'd buried him once, good deeds, bones and all; how many more times are you going to do it?

T. Sam, I'm a peaceable fellow; but if you go much further I won't be responsible for the consequences.

S. I'm for piece, too, but it's my piece, and not your long rigmarole about Cæsar, that I go in for. As I said before, "My name is—”

T. "The noble Brutus

Hath told you Cæsar was ambitious;

If it were so, it were a grevious fault,

And grievously hath Cæsar answered it."

S. (in a low whisper.) I say, Tom, did you know you had got

a hole in your unwhisperables?

T. "Here, under leave of Brutus, and the rest,

(For Brutus is an honorable man

So are they all, all honorable men,)

Come I to speak at Cæsar's funeral."

S. This is n't Cæsar's funeral-it's the exhibition of the Spankertown Academy, and it's my turn to officiate, so get out with Cæsar-"My name is Nor-"

T. "He was my friend, faithful and just to me;

But Brutus says he was ambitious ;

And Brutus is an honorable man.'

S. Brutus be hanged; who cares for what he said? Come, you've sputtered enough; now give me a chance to say something." My name is

T. Come, Sammy, don't interrupt me again, that's a clever fellow. Let me finish my piece, and then you shall have the whole platform to yourself.

S. You're very kind, Mr. Trotter-altogether too kind! Your generosity reminds me of an Irish gentleman, who could n't live peaceably with his wife, and so they agreed to divide the house between them. "Biddy," says he, "ye'll jist be afther taking the outside of the house, and I'll kape the inside."

T. (To the audience.)

less for me to attempt to

from performing my part.

Ladies and gentlemen, you see it is useproceed, and I trust you will excuse me (Bows, and withdraws.)

S. Yes, I hope you will excuse him, ladies and gentlemen. The fact is, he means well enough; but between you and me, he does n't know a wheelwright from a right wheel. I'm sorry to say his education has been sadly neglected, as you all perceive. He has n't enjoyed the advantages that I have for learning good manners. And, then, did you ever hear such a ridiculous spouter! He might make a very decent town crier, or auctioneer, or something of that sort-but to think of Tommy Trotter pretending to be an orator, and delivering a funeral oration over Cæsar! O my! it's enough to make a cat laugh! And, now, ladies and gentlemen, as the interruption has ceased, I will proceed with my part:

"My name is Norval; on the Grampian Hills

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My father feeds his flocks And-and-and-(aside, to a boy near him)—what is it? (To the audience)" feeds his flocks"-and-and-and-there! I'll be blowed if I havn't got dead stuck a'ready! Just as I expected; that lubber that came to bury Cæsar has bullied all the ideas out of my head! (Beats an inglorious retreat, with his hands over his face.)

THE END.

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