cordance still with this, to have represented the crime of the hypocrite under a different figure. We might justly have likened him to a counterfeiter, as in a former passage. Be it so: in the first case, now, we present the guilty corrupter of the established currency. Instead of gold, the hypocrite imposes lead. But, in the second case, the established currency has been debased from gold to lead by common consent. We can no longer make a comparison of pure and base: we have only the base. So far as a mutual understanding is concerned, which is all that enters into present consideration, men may debase, more or less, the higher or lower denominations of the established currency. They may use, either wholly or in part, iron for silver, lead for gold, crowns for guineas; but when all conform to the same standard, no man goes beyond or defrauds his neighbor in aught.

Setting aside that deep hypocrisy, which springs from a far-spreading "inner vileness," it is merely to be remarked that this petty cant, the legitimate offshoot of a highly artificial state of society, as we think, however much it may be condemned, has yet a useful office. Courtesy is human, and the interchange of kindly sentiments brings satisfaction. Our instincts lead us, and often with a strength we were not aware of, not only to the end, but also to that means. And when estrangement or selfishness draws its icy covering over the sensibility, and constrains all free and natural methods, we seek the gratification of the artificial and counterfeit; which gilds with amenity the chillness of the moment, whose melody lingers awhile amid the wintry torpor, and whose passing leaves a flush of sunlight on the glacier in our hearts.

"Adam's Eve," or "The Evening when Adam felt a slight indisposition

5 P. M.

to attend College Duties."

Evening prayer-bell rings; Adam having indulged in a horizontal position all day, jumps from bed by mere force of habit; finds himself rubbing his eyes in middle of the floor, and concludes to pass the remainder of the day in an upright manner

61 o'clock.

7 o'clock.

71 o'clock.

-Straightway makes pollution with water in bowl; and with a horrid crash, wipes off dew from face, and considers himself done-accidentally cleans teeth with nail-brush; discovers error by the taste, naturally acute; rectifies mistake-thinks Chum's hair-brush the best; with it, unsnarles hair and gets snarly himself, helped on in the strain by an occasional sympathetic "ow"--thinks 'tis a knotty case and is knot discouraged-Next Adam makes in-vest-ment, pants away lustily, collars himself and tries to strangle with neck-cloth; casts sidelong glance in large looking glass and being suited, finally sinks into arms of coquttish-looking easy chair, and puts feet upon "Cricket on the Hearth."

Adam toasts crackers over the coals, and shins at same time-both get a little burnt-Adam eats crackers, and puts shins, bare feet and all, into pail of hot water; wonders if Bear-feet and shins w'dn't make good soup-takes them out only par-boiled, and holds them up before fire to dry-contemplates feat of considerable magnitude before him, then lifts down decanter from shelfsmells of liquor to see if't hasn't soured-still in doubt-takes swallow-is in doubt even then; takes a long pull and feels satisfied that some good qualities still remain-wishes he could leave off this old habit-takes another swig to satisfy himself that he cannot possibly.

Chum comes in with letter-gives Adam a punch in the stomach which is taken with right good humor-Adam then hands Chum empty mug and receives letter-Adam, studentlike, has great passion for letters, especially belles' lettresAdam reads, and ties face in hard knot as he proceeds; finally, throws note in fire, ejaculating "Letter go!" and concluding he never did like the girl, drinks her health merely from force of habit.

Chum prepares to attend party-Adam sees him "Sans Culottes," blacking boots in the ante-room-wonders if 'tis a Polish custom-accidentally notices hole in Chum's dancing pumps--asks if a sherry-cobbler c'dn't mend the matter and keep the cold out-Adam gets off poor pun and laughs heartily--laugh not joined in by Chum, probably owing to dull intellect-Chum goes out-hastily returns, and says the door-mat has been stolen--goes out again in a rage, vowing to prosecute-inquiries.

8 o'clock.

8 o'clock.

9 o'clock.

91 o'clock.

Adam writes sarcastic letter--in reply to one just received— Bends too far over candle and singes hair extensively--says "he always liked to see hair curly at the ends," and seals letter energetically-drops wax on his thumb-feels most essentially waxed, and inserts thumb in mouth to try suction-principle --Adam looks moodily at flame of fire, and thinks of his old flame-broods over the probable suicide his letter will occasion, and begins to relent-calls to mind her beautiful teeth, then declares they 're false; that he won't be gummed by a toothless woman, and concludes to send the dreadful missive-takes out daguer'type, and reflecting on himself, calculates chances of success in other quarters.

Feels abominable pain in abdomen-wishes himself in Spiritland, where all pain is sham-pain-sighs for lapse of time, when he shall be cuddled quietly away at rest-candle burns dimly-Adam feels lonesome-reaches ink-bottle from shelf by mistake; takes mouthful-inky streaks run down from mouth and nostrils-Adam feels streaked-rushes to basket of clean clothes for handkerchief; accidentally coughs; ink flies over linen in all directions-Adam bewilder'd, rinses his mouth with water by mistake for brandy--swallows some ink and water has slight stomach-ache, and longs for "Internal Improvements."

Adam feels better; takes two or three sandwiches and a tumbler of logger-head beer-congratulates himself that he doesn't drink from principle, but from bottle-Tries to sharpen his wits with file of newspapers-notices advertisement of Fancy Ball-calls to mind a hop he attended once, on a time with his Father, in a little back-room of R. R. Depot, where he did the hopping, and his Father was the SwitchmanAdam's eye lights on ordinances against thimble riggers— wonders if any such laws were in operation when his mother played off such a thimble rig on his head, one day for playing truant-sees account, relating to appetite of raw-militia--wonders if they wouldn't eat better if cooked—reads narrative of a horrid massacre; recalls the remorse he once had, for cutting off a dead-squirrel's leg with a hatchet, and looking the other way to avoid seeing the bloodshed.

Throws down paper and looks out of window--sees full moon, and wonders why they don't call it bal-luna-thinks in

10 o'clock.

this way a witty-schism might be made between Latin and English-Adam is recalled to sober thoughts by boots pinching corns; wonders how he ever came to get corned—finally, concludes he is willing to take bitter with the sweet, and puts wormwood on toe to stop the pain-Notices spider chasing caterpillar-supposes 'tis from force of caterpillary attractionpersevering insect blockades Adam's countenance-Adam makes a strike-hits his own nose; thinks he's humbugged, and concludes to let the little bugger be.

Clock strikes-Adam thinks it a trifle fast, and determines to give it a dishonorable dismission from college, as it has been going on tick, to his certain knowledge, for some time-clock puts hands before its face to keep from laughing, and seconds the motion-tongs fall down noisily, killing fugitive spider by a blow on the head-Adam becomes frightened, draws near the fire and fears to stir-sees large black spider running off with dead fly--thinks of body-snatchers, draws still nearer the fire and perspires freely-after few moments of anxious suspense, Adam becomes reassured, and mixes a punch-squeezes affectionately several lemons--consulting his taste as to the kind of liquor required, by trying several bottles-finally suits his taste exactly, and stirs up mixture with handle of broom-brush-• takes a few drinks, and jumps up and down to make room for more-execrates the old habit, and drinks remainder of the punch.

10 o'clock. Students outside, serenading Tutor overhead, on tin kettles, tin horns and the like-Adam wonders where he has heard similar music; scratches head; thinks of Beethoven, and is convinced. Adam hears barnyard fowl near by, disturbed by hen-roost depredators, crowing "Yankee doodle doo;" thinks 'tis morning, and concludes to go to bed--Is disgusted with the idea of cramming on Philosophical principles to-morrow, and determines to lie it out again as soon as practicableBlows out light for benefit of dissipated Chum, and passes away like a tale that is told.