OUR YOTTING YORICK.

and violent expressions, it occurred to me, "Hang it all! they take me for a Jew!" Never was so alarmed. With great presence of mind I pointed to my nose-they saw the point at once. Then

off

DEAR EDITOR, How can I send you "a sketch of anything I see," when I the pair of them haven't seen anything for the last twenty-four hours. Impossible! | marched me utterly impossible! You simply want me to do impossibilities, and ("to Siberia," I am only mortal. Voilà! I don't complain; I only say I can't thinks I and I draw what I don't see; and as to sending funny sketches when it's wondered how far raining in torrents, and been doing so for the last forty-eight hours we should have to three minutes and twenty-one and a-half seconds, I'm-well, I can't walk!) to the -simplement. Torrents of rain. Anyone can draw water-but courtyard, where I

Droschki-Driver.

draw rain! Yes, when on horseback, I can had entered, and
draw rein. Good that, "when you come to then passed me
think of it,"-considering that I'm 1900 through the gate on
miles from an English joke, so that this you to the road again.
may say is far-fetched, only 'tisn't fetched Then I fled to the
at all, as I send it. Think I've left out an yacht!! Away!
"0," and it's 19,000. It seems like it. Here Away!
we are in Petersburg. Mist's cleared off.
We're anchored close to Winter Palace, and
I've just seen a droschki-driver, whom I
sketch. Not unlike old toy Noah's-Ark
man, eh? Something humorous at last,
thank Heaven! But did I come 1900 miles
to see this? Well, "Neva no more!"

Mister Skipper says I ought to go to the
Petershoff All very well to say so, but
where is Peter, and how far is he "hoff"?
That's humorous, I think, eh? You told
me to go and "pick up bits of Russian life,"
and so I'm going to do it at the risk of my
own, I feel sure, for I never saw such chaps
as these soldiers, six feet three at the least,
every man Jackski of 'em, and broad out of
all proportion. However, I'll go on shore,
and try to get some fun out of the Russians,
if there's any in them. If I'm caught
making fun of these soldiers, I shouldn't have a word to say for
myself! The Skipper says that he's heard that the persecution of
the Jews has just begun again. Cruel shame, but I daren't say this
aloud, in case anyone should understand just that amount of English.
and then-whoopski!-the knout and Siberia! So I'll say "nowt."
Really humorous that, I'm sure, and 19,000 miles from England.
To-day-I don't know what to-day is, having lost all count of
time is a great day with the Russians. I don't understand one
word they say, and as to reading their letters-I mean the letters
of their alphabet-that is if they've got one, which I very much
doubt,-why I might as well be a blind man for all I can make out.
Somehow I rather think that it's the Emperor's birthday, Guns and
bells all over the place. Guns going off, bells going on. Tremendous
crowds everywhere. "I am never so lonely," as somebody said, "as
when I'm in a crowd." That's just what I feel, especially when
the crowd doesn't talk a single word of English.
The Russians are not ill-favoured but ill-
flavoured, that is, in a crowd. I cheered with
them, "Hiphiphurrahski! Hipski! Hurrah-
ski!" What I was cheering at I don't know,
but I like to be in it, and when at Petersburg
do as the Petersburgians do.

Having strayed away from our yachting party, or yachting party having strayed away from me, I found myself (they didn't find me though; they have been finding me in wittles and drink during the whole of the voyage,humorous again, eh? It's in me, only there's a depression in the Baltic. Why call it Baltic ? Nobody on board knows) outside the fortress of St. Peter and St. Paul. I daresay there's some legend about their having built it, but, as I remarked before, my knowledge of the Russian tongue is limited to what I get dried for breakfast, and that doesn't go far when there are many more than myself alongside the festive board-and so I couldn't get any explanation. But I managed to sneak inside the fortress-and then,-lost my way!!! Couldn't get out. "If you want to know your way, ask a Policeman" in London, and, in St. Petersburg, ask a Bobbiski. Here's one with a sword at least, I think he's one. I said, "Please, Sir, which way ?" Then I tried him with French-"Où est," says I, le chemin pour aller out of (I couldn't remember the French for out of") cette confounded fortress?" He wouldn't understand me. I tipped him a wink-I tipped him a two-shilling piece. It wasn't enough I suppose, as he called another fellow. The other chap came up,-what he was I don't know-but suddenly, from their awful manner, their frowns,

Policeman.

Never will I venture out of the yacht again, until I can do so safely. Expect me back soon. Ah, what an escape!-to think I might have languished for the best of my days in irons or in the mines out in Siberia, like Rip Van Winkle,

or the Prisoner of "Suddenly from their awful manner, their frowns,
Chillon, who dug and violent expressions, it occurred to me, Hang it
himself out with all! They take me for a Jew!'"-Extract from Letter
his nails (when Ifrom Our Yotting Yorick.
was a boy I remember it, and tried to do it in the garden), and came
up with a long beard when everyone was dead and gone. I may return
as a stowaway, but anyhow expect me, and prepare the fatted
cutlet. That's humorous, isn't it, eh?
Yours,
19,000 miles away too! Just imagine!

JETSAM, THE Y. Y.

AUTOMATIC PROGRESS.

1

think their invention such a success that they have turned it into a THE Proprietors of the "Automatic Chair" having had reason to Company, a stimulus has been given to ingenuity in this direction, with the result that the following prospective advertisement, or something very much like it, may shortly be expected to see the light:

THE

HE AUTOMATIC FURNITURE SUPPLY ASSOCIATION, started for the purpose of meeting the daily-increasing demand for self-acting and trouble-saving appliances in the domestic arrangements of the modern household, beg to inform their patrons that they are now able to supply them with

HE AUTOMATIC FOUR-POSTER.

Tetracted piece of furut Pe will tuck up the Geoiquant, rock - This ingeniously conhim to sleep, and pitch him out on to the floor at a given hour in the morning, thoroughly waking him by the operation, when it will of its own accord fold itself up into a conveniently-shaped parcel, not bigger than an ordinary carriage umbrella. The Association further desire to inform their patrons that they have also invented a

PATENT AUTOMATIC SHOWER-BATH AND WASHHAND-STAND, that will forcibly seize the user, thoroughly souse him from head to foot, scrub, wash, and dry him. Finally folding itself up into a convenient lounge, on which he can complete his toilette at leisure. They also are prepared to supply their

UTOMATIC DINNER-TABLE AND APPETITE COM

A BINED, upon taking Beat at which, the TITE COV immediately served with a course consisting of soup, fish, joint, and vegetables, choice of entrées, sweets, cheese, and celery, with an appetite to enable him to relish the repast as it proceeds. Afterdinner speeches, phonographically introduced, can be supplied at a slight additional charge. They, moreover, have in hand an

UTOMATIC BUTLER - DETECTING SIDEBOARD, which,

A by an ingenious contrivance, on the Butler opening it for the with a loud explosion, that obliges him to desist in his design. But purpose of helping himself to a glass of wine, instantly blows up their chief triumph is their

immediately on being shown the Prospectus, puts his name down for the required number of Shares as indicated to him. This last the Association regard as a great success, but they have several other startling novelties in active preparation.

UTOMATIC AND MECHANICAL SHAREHOLDER, who,

H

W. H. S. (Wicket-keeper). "TELL YOU WHAT IT IS, UMPIRE;-IF THE BOWLING'S GOING TO BE AS WILDNEXT INNINGS-AS THIS, I SHALL RETIRE HURT'!"