"you've had too much already by a bottle and a half at least; they may bring you some water if they choose, you get no Madeira through me!"

This unprincely reply roused all the dignity of the Guelphs in the soul of the mimic monarch.

"What ho! guards here!" he hiccupped out, "arrest this daring traitor-commit him to the tower."

But ere the order could have been obeyed, his theatrical highness had retreated.

The manager then indignantly turned to the underling who figured as the lord of the woolsack.

"Lord Chancellor," said he, "assist your sovereign!"

But the Chancellor of Drury most disloyally made himself scarce. It was the same with the other august and dignified persons of the kingly pageant, they severally dived to their dressing-rooms, to become once more themselves. Not so our hero. Feeling himself "every inch a king," he determined to remain one, and not all the entreaties of the persons around him, backed as they were by those of the stagemanager, could prevail on him to budge one step. Abdicate his temporary throne he would not. A king he was, and a king he would remain. They soon gave up the attempt as hopeless. As a last resource, the performer who personated the pious prelate of York, approached to add his entreaties that the great lessee would resign the cares of state, for that night, and retire to his more humble residence in Stratford-place.

"No, no, your grace," said Elliston, "I shall sleep in the Abbey to-night."

"I had rather you than me," cried the stage prelate, seeing him thus determined, and followed his brother performers.

The potential manager's meditations now remained undisturbed, till Phil Stone, the property boy, as he was called, though he was then a married man, having his lovely Mrs. Stone, and two or three little Phil Stones looking up to him for support, as he himself was wont very complacently to remark, advanced with a basket for the purpose of collecting the crown, sceptre, sword of state, crosiers, censers, and other paraphernalia of the royal ceremonial, with the guardianship of which he was specially intrusted, and which it was a part of his duty to collect.

you are not

"Ha!" roared Elliston, as Phil laid hold of the crown "what's this? Another Colonel Blood! Daring rebel, forbear, I say!" "It's no use, Mithter Ellithton, thir," lisped Phil, “ the king, thir, I musth take care of the properties. Phil Sthone never neglethsts hith duties. You are a very great man, thir, Phil Sthone will willingly acknowledge that, but you are not the king, Mithter Ellithton, thir; you are not the king, though you are ath great ath a king here, and dithpotic enough too for that matter, ath I know to my cothst, when you fined me five sthillings for thinking I vos intoxticated the other night, and couldn't take care of the properties, but Phil Sthone will return good for evil. You thall thee I can take care of the properties now, so have the crown I will," making a sudden snatch at it.

The autocrat of all the Hundreds of Drury, muttered something that was not very distinct-about "cutpurse of the empire," "that from the shelf the precious diadem stole," and "put it in his breeches pocket," but it was totally disregarded by Phil, who bore off the crown and sceptre in triumph, to deposit them, as he said, along with the other paraphernalia and regalia in the property-room.

How long the kingly actor might have remained undisturbed after this is uncertain, had not one of the sweepers of the theatre approached; her husband, a flyman, had unfortunately incapacitated himself for work some short time before, by falling through a trap. The partial stoppage of his salary, and the expenses unavoidably incurred for advice and necessaries, had reduced the poor creatures to much extremity: the wife thought this would be a good opportunity to prefer her humble petition for a little assistance. She therefore timidly appoached the recumbent sovereign of Drury, and in a few simple but affecting words stated her case.

Elliston, who at all times, as has been said, was naturally goodhearted, was moved to magnanimity at the recital.

"The prayer of your petition is granted, my good woman," hiccupped he, "Heaven forefend any of our good subjects should be denied justice at our hands. Your husband has been a faithful servant of our dynasty, he has received his wounds in our service, and must not be unprovided for. Our treasury shall grant him a pension of twenty shillings per week till he can resume his professional duties."

"Heaven bless you, sir," said the poor woman, "will you in your goodness signify your generous intentions under your hand to the treasurer," rightly judging there was nothing like striking the iron while it was hot, and making assurance doubly sure.

66

Ah, you want our sign manual. You would have it under our royal hand-well be it so, but we have no pen and ink."

"Here they are, sir," said the poor woman, going to the prompt wing where a bottle, with ink, and a pen was luckily hanging, and producing a piece of paper from her pocket, "here are pens, ink, and paper,

sir."

"On your knees, woman," said Elliston, taking the pen and paper, and making a desk of the poor woman's shoulders. "Steady."

He then scrawled in characters very much resembling the Egyptian hieroglyphics, the following words.

"To our trusty Treasurer.-Allow to bearer one pound per week till the recovery of her husband. Given under our hand, in our Abbey of Westminster, this first season of our coronation-Robert William."

"There, woman," said he, "there is the grant, now exit, quit the court!"

With many thanks the poor woman speedily disappeared. Resigning himself to the grateful satisfaction of his own feelings at this wellintentioned act, a loud flourish from his nasal organs very soon announced that he was lost in dreams of earthly grandeur.

It should have been mentioned that on clearing the stage at the close of the performance, for the coronation happened to be played

this night as a last piece, which was not usually the case, that in addition to the entreaties of the performers, that he would resign the sceptre, his dressers had duly made their appearance for the purpose of divesting him of the royal trappings, and encasing him in his more appropriate attire of broad cloth and casimere, but Elliston thinking that majesty without its externals was literally what the riddle signifies it to be, "a jest," obstinately refused to part with any portion of his royal habiliments, and imperatively ordered them to quit the presence; they dared not disobey him, but retired to watch their opportunity.

The gas being turned off, the theatre was now left in perfect gloom, except the dim glimmering of the fireman's dark lantern, and the occasional gleams of the night watchmen's lamps, as they went their rounds for the purpose of showing their vigilance and punctuality by marking the "tell-tales." On the assurance from the manager's olfactories that he was in a quiescent state, his dressers now ventured to re-appear, and taking hold of the mimic sleeping monarch by his legs and shoulders, without further ceremony conveyed him to the Shakspeare, fortunately only a stone's throw distant, where they actually put him to bed, dressed as he was in the royal robes. He did not wake the next morning till rather late, when he found that " uneasy lies the head that wears a crown," and like Prince Hal had a most villanous longing for "small beer."

The poor sweeper, as may be imagined, did not fail regularly to present Elliston's grant to the treasury, but the first lord of that department, after carefully perusing the document, returned it to the bearer, telling her he could not pay any attention to such an order, as it was evidently written by Mr. Elliston when in a non compos state, that she must procure one from him written when he was sober, before he should think himself authorized to act on it.

The disappointed applicant candidly acknowledged that her illustrious master was certainly rather intoxicated when he gave it her, and departed with much dejection and misgiving in search of him, having very little hope of being equally fortunate in a second appeal.

It was with some difficulty she found out, and procured admission to the dramatic potentate; when at length she did, and stated the nature of her errand, the whole affair was quite new to Elliston, he had totally forgotten it, since the preceding evening-he however reflected for a few minutes, read the document rather gravely, then smiled, and taking up a pen he rewrote the order, somewhat more legibly, and in a more business-like way, and presented it to the poor woman with these words,

"There, my good woman, since it clearly appears it was our kingly intention to have provided for your poor husband, and we would always fain act like a king-ay, every inch a king, if we could, though fate, unfortunately perhaps for the world, has not actually made us one-there is an order our treasurer will not refuse. The good we did as the monarch we must not undo as the manager, nor stifle those regal feelings in the playhouse which we nurtured in the palace, albeit it was but a presumed one. Take the order, get the money, comfort your husband, and don't forget while you are doing so, faithfully to perform your duty, and like a loyal subject exclaim, God save the King!" Finis coronat opus!

SIR CHRISTOPHER Hatton he danced with grace,
He'd a very fine form and a very fine face,

And his cloak and his doublet were guarded with lace,
And the rest of his clothes,

As you well may suppose,

In taste were by no means inferior to those ;
He'd a yellow-starched ruff,

And his gloves were of buff,

On each of his shoes a red heel and a rose,
And nice little moustaches under his nose;
Then every one knows

How he turned out his toes,

And a very great way that accomplishment goes,
In a Court where it's thought, in a lord or a duke, a
Disgrace to fall short in the Brawls"-(their Cachouca).
So what with his form, and what with his face,
And what with his velvet cloak guarded with lace,
And what with his elegant dancing and grace,
His dress and address

So tickled Queen Bess

That her Majesty gave him a very snug place;
And seeing, moreover, at one single peep, her
Advisers were, few of them, sharper or deeper,
(Old Burleigh excepted), she made him Lord Keeper!

I've heard, I confess with no little surprise,
English history called a farrago of lies,
And a certain Divine,

A connexion of mine,

Who ought to know better, as some folks opine,
Is apt to declare,

Leaning back in his chair,

With a sort of a smirking, self-satisfied, air,
That "all that's recorded in Hume, and elsewhere,
"Of our early' Annales'

"A trumpery tale is,

"Like the Bold Captain Smith's,' and the luckless Miss

Bayley's'

"That old Roger Hoveden, and Ralph de Diceto,

"And others (whose names should I try to repeat o"ver, well I'm assured you would put in your veto),

"Though all holy friars,

"Were very great liars,

"And raised stories faster than Grissel and Peto"That Harold escaped with the loss of a 'glim'

"That the shaft which killed Rufus ne'er glanced from a limb "Of a tree, as they say, but was aimed slap at him,— "That Fair Rosamond never was poisoned or spitted, "But outlived Queen Nell, who was much to be pitied ;"That Nelly her namesake, Ned Longshanks's wife, "Ne'er went Crusading at all in her life,

"Nor suck'd the wound made by the poison-tipped knife! "For as she,

"O'er the sea,

"Towards far Galilee

"Never, even in fancy, march'd carcass or shook shanks, "Of course she could no more suck Longshanks than Cruikshanks,

"But, leaving her spindle-legged liege-lord to roam, "Staid behind, and suck'd something much better at home,— "That it's quite as absurd

"To say Edward the Third, "In reviving the Garter, afforded a handle "For any Court-gossip, detraction, or scandal, "As 'twould be to say,

"That at Court 'tother day,

"At the fête which the newspapers say was so gay,
"His Great Representative then stole away
"Lady Salisbury's garters as part of the play.-
"That as to Prince Hal's being taken to jail,
"By the London Police, without mainprize or bail,
"For cuffing a Judge,
"It's a regular fudge;

"And that Chief-Justice Gascoigne, it's very well known,
"Was kicked out the moment he came to the throne.-
"Then that Richard the Third was a "marvellous proper

man'

"Never killed, injured, or wrong'd of a copper, man!"Ne'er wished to smother

"The sons of his brother,

"Nor ever stuck Harry the Sixth, who, instead
"Of being squabashed, as in Shakspeare we've read,
"Caught a bad influenza, and died in his bed,

"In the Tower, not far from the room where the Guard is,
"(The octagon one that adjoins Duffus Hardy's).

"That, in short, all the facts' in the Decem Scriptores,
"Are nothing at all but sheer humbugging stories."

Then if, as he vows, both this country and France, in
Historians thus gave themselves up to Romancing,
Notwithstanding what most of them join in advancing
Respecting Sir Christopher's capering and prancing,
"Twill cause no surprise

If we find that his rise

Is not to be solely ascribed to his dancing!