LETTER L. Nov. 20, 17-. MR. R. GANSEL foothed, advised, and ufed every art to induce me to accept of what he termed happiness; and when my indifpofition was at the height, he attended me rather like an old nurfe, than a man of an affluent fortune, and one who had fat fo many feffions in parliament. At length I received a letter from my mother, wherein the informed me, that she had let Mr. Metham know the place of my retirement, with which he feemed perfectly fatisfied. That fhe found his exasperation against me, proceeded more from the wound his pride had received by the fuppofition of his having a rival, than from the fervour of his affection. She added, that it was reported he had renewed his intimacy with a demirep of quality, to whom he had formerly been devoted. And concluded with faying, that she had every reafon to believe, from what she had heard, that, were I now to relax from my feverity, (judging from the indifference with which he fpoke of me) he did not mean to marry me. This letter, this fatal letter, ftrengthened by Metham's filence, when he knew, or was fuppofed ก fuppofed to know, the place of my refuge; renewed my resentment against him, which for fome time had been upon the wane; and put the finishing ftroke to my undoing. For had I feen him before the union, to which I was fo much folicited, had taken place,. though I might not have confented to be his, I never could have been another's. Thus by the most cruel deception, (for a deception I afterwards found it to be, and my mother the innocent means by which it was rendered effectual) was I made the dupe of my refentment. That paffion now exerting its greatest power over my mind, and my well-meaning. temper, Mr. Ganfel, making use of every art to obtain my confent, to be the future wife of Mr. Calcraft, I could not withstand their united efforts. The writing was immediately copied, and a letter difpatched to require his. attendance to fign and feal it.. But my confent was fcarcely given, before the dear idea of the man I ftill loved, in fpite of his unkind words; my first and only love;. the father of my child; rufhed, in its most pleasing form upon my mind, and banished every other object. My heart recoiled at the reluctant union I was about to enter into,, and I determined to adhere to the refolution I had made, of avoiding a connection with any other man.. My kind hoft no fooner was informed of this alteration in my fentiments,. than he endeavoured to combat it with his moft powerful arguments. He reprefented to me, the abfurdity of oppofing my good fortune, which had thrown in my way an affured connection with a man, who was already in a good fituation, and who bid fair to be foon in an opulent one. That it was foolifh and childish in the extreme, to recall my promife when I had once given it. And, referving his moft forcible one till the laft, he concluded with obferving, that he wondered my Spirit, which, upon almost every other occafion, was uncontroulable, could bear to be treated with indifference. This thought,, added to the recollection of my reception at Tunbridge, which made me feverely feel my degraded fituation, aroufed once more my refentment; and it came o'er me as doth "the raven o'er the infected house," till it totally deprived me of the power of making any further oppofition. I need not fay that Mr. Calcraft foon reached Donnalan Park. The contract was immediately executed; and, except the omiffion of the ceremony, our nuptials were folemnized to the fatisfaction of all parties, but my poor felf. The old gentleman was as happy and as proud of his having fucceeded in the negociation, as if he had married a darling daughter to an hereditary prince. As for myself, I ftill, like the patriarch's dove, longed to return to that home, where ג all all my happiness had fo long been depofited; and had I known the real fituation of the man that had offended me, instead of waiting for his fubmiffion, I should myself have produced the olive branch, and have fued for peace. When we returned to town, the contract was left with Mr.. Ganfel, as a place of the greatest fecurity, and as being lodged in the hands of one of my moft zealous. friends. Upon my arrival in London, fuppofing Mr. Metham's ftate of mind to be fuch as it had been represented to me, I wrote to him to let him know that I had now placed an everlafting bar to any future union between myfelf and him. But how fhall I relate it! I found, that instead of the unconcern I fup-pofed him to have acquired, he had been con fined to his bed, ever fince our separation, by a violent fever, which he was at this time flowly recovering from. But upon the receipt of my letter, his disorder returned, and with it his delirium. So that he was now, more frantic than ever. And in the paroxyfms, of his rage, he repeatedly attempted to destroy himself. He was, however, prevented from accomplishing his dreadful purpose, by the tender care of his friend Major Burton, and the vigilance of his faithful valet, who never left him. The account my mother fent me relative his his renewing his connection with the demirep of fashion, I afterwards difcovered, was communicated to her by my fervant, whose difregard for me I have more than once mentioned, and who had been gained over to his intereft by Mr. Calcraft. But this manoeuvre, though it answered the purpose in fome degree, by bringing about the union he wished for, did not in the long run, (as will be feen) infure him the happiness he expected. The very falfehood and deception made use of upon thefe occafions, are always fure to counteract the purposes they have been defigned to ferve. Pleasures which are acquired by truth and honour will alone prove fatisfactory and lafting. A few days after my being in town, I was told that Sherrad, Mr. Metham's valet, wanted to speak to me. He had brought me a letter. The poor fellow with tears in his eyes informed me, that his mafter was ftill confined to his bed, and would certainly die, if I did not fee him, and give him fome comfort. He told me that he raved continually about me, wishing to call me his once more, and conjuring me on his knees to be reconciled to him. When I affured Sherrad that it was too late, as my fate was already determined, the kind creature exclaimed. "Then we are all undone; my poor little mafter and all." Having faid this, he hung his head oppreffed with forrow and dejection. This |