AGAIN: A few years ago, in Congress, a side THE following is a fragment of a very edifying question was raised as to the degree of talent neces-discussion which took place at the monthly meeting sary for a Congressman, when a member from a of the Birkenhead Commissioners. Mr. Brattan district in Missouri, having the floor, said, "As to mentioned spades in connection with implements. other sections I can not say, but I'm of opinion that it takes more talent to navigate across Broadway, New York, of a fine day, when the omnibuses are running, than it does to represent my district in › Congress!"

to a good "goak," even were it told of himself; | eyes, exclaimed, with a child's simplicity and exhence we infer the following anecdote will be as pression, "Never mind, Ally; when you die and well appreciated by his friends as by himself: do to heaven you'll dit it." Stopping at a New York hotel, he registers as follows: "Geo. S. Hastings-San Francisco." A friend, interrogating him upon the point of his residence, thought it queer that he was not aware of the fact. To which the worthy Secretary replied: "Have I not always been from San Francisco ?"

AN Englishman traveling in the south of Ireland overtook a peasant traveling the same way.

"Who lives in that house on the hill, Pat ?" said the traveler.

"One Mr. Cassidy, Sir," replied Pat; "but he's dead-rest his sowl!"

"How long has he been dead?" asked the gentleman.

A GEORGIAN writes from Thomasville: I saw a sign in this vicinity a few days since, and thought you might give it a place in your Drawer. OLD CAIN SEADE CHAIRS RE-BODEMT.

THIS comes from the "Hub:"

Since the decease of the late distinguished Bishop Chase, of Illinois, whose weight was some three hundred pounds or more, the weightiest man in the House of Bishops of the Protestant Episcopal Church in the United States is the Bishop of the diocese of Not long since this prelate was on a visit to his friends in Boston and its vicinity, and one morn

"Well, your Honor, if he lived till next month ing, just as he was entering a railroad car, a wag he'd be dead just twelve months."

"Of what did he die?"

"Troth, Sir, he died of a Tuesday."

THE Periere Brothers, bankers in Paris, are Jews. A member of a large stock company fell into a dispute with one of the brothers, who was likely to get the advantage of him in a large operation. Vexed at his own failure and Periere's success, the man cried out.

"Do you mean to eat me up?"

exclaimed to a fellow-passenger, "There's a big INCOME!" The Bishop enjoyed the joke and pun, and let himself down into the first seat that he found wholly vacant.

EVERY one connected with the United States

Academy in 1861 will remember the long dry sermons of the chaplain, and how many were the ways the poor "middies" resorted to to escape the punishment of hearing them. Among the number was one particularly "full of the Old Nick," who

My religion," blandly replied the Jewish bank- one day conceived the idea of giving the Doctor an er, "forbids my eating you."

AUGUSTUS DOOLITTLE had been "in a store" about three months when his employer asked him what part of the business he liked best. To which the elegant youth replied: "Shuttin' up, Sir."

As an example of the singular sensitiveness of the Southern citizens in reference to the negro, and their whimsical dread of a negro insurrection, I have the honor to report to you, as Chief of the Bureau of Fun, the following authenticated incident:

The other day Dr. M-, of Newbern, got a large invoice of Roberts's California Balsam, and, as a means of attracting public attention to his wares, pasted up on every corner a mysterious-looking placard, having a red triangle on a black ground, with the letters R. C. B. at the three corners respectively.

Early the next morning the Doctor was dismayed to hear that the whole civil force of the town, City Marshal, Mayor, Commissioners, and all, were tearing down his advertisement. On demanding an explanation he was told by the City Fathers that his innocent hand-bills had been understood by them to be the secret orders of some wide-spread negro organization; and that the letters R. C. B. had been interpreted, "Rise, Colored Brethren." The Mayor of Newbern will never hear the last of his Balsam.

THEY have smart children in Medford. A lady friend of ours in that place, being in Boston with her two youngest children, Ally and Nelly, bought Ally a small balloon, to amuse and keep him quiet. While passing through the hurrying, busy crowd on Washington Street a rude boy severed the string by which it was held, and away floated the light little bubble over the house-tops. Nelly looked around, and perceiving the tears starting in Ally's

extra allowance of salt. The Doctor always had a tumbler on his desk filled with water, and during his sermon would frequently wet his lips with the cooling draught. On the Sunday of which I speak he had the word "Eureka, Eureka, Eureka," thrice repeated, and then the meaning of it in English"I have found it"-repeated three times. Middy Van V― had put a quantity of salt in the Doctor's tumbler; and just before using the word "Eureka" the Doctor took a good swallow of the water. It is useless to say that there was not a sober countenance in the room at the wry faces the chaplain made.

OUT in the pleasant little village of Platteville I chanced to be spending a few weeks with a friend, Major R—, one of the oldest settlers, and something of a politician; but unfortunately the Major "crooks his elbow" a little too often. On one of his sprees he chanced to be found by some ladies lying in a ditch, drunk. "Why, Major," said one, is that you? What are you doing down there?" The Major jumped up as quickly as possible, and with the air of a Judge said, "Oh nothing, ladies; only pondering on the affairs of the nation!"

"OLD COOPER" is a Dutchman, and like many another man, of whatever nationality, has a wife that is "some." One day the "old man" got into some trouble with a neighbor, which resulted in a fight. The neighbor was getting the better of the "old man," which Cooper's wife was not slow to see. The "old man" was resisting his enemy to the best of his ability, when his wife broke out with, "Lie still, Cooper! lie still! If he kill you I sue him for damages " It only remains to be said that "Cooper" did lie still, and was not killed.

AN army correspondent writes:

Ben is a good-looking soldier boy, suscepti le to the charms of the "softer sex," and ever ready to

render them due reverence.

After he had been in | for the sosiety, words used in swearing &c. any word used in swering if the sosiety agreas tht it is swering he that use it will be liable to the fine.

the service eighteen months he received leave of absence on account of "wounds received in action," and on his way home of course fell in love with the first good-looking girl he saw. "Twas at a way WE have heard a great deal of the "moral station on the Nashville road that a pretty native drama," but little of the "moral circus" or the maid, accompanied by her mother, entered the cars" moral show;" but Mr. Dan Rice, the greatest and took a seat opposite our hero, whose admiring glances testified that he was again the victim of the terrible little archer. He had a cigar in his pocket, a luxury to which he had been for some time unaccustomed, and the enjoyment of which he was now denying himself out of respect to the ladies. Soon, however, the old lady took out a black stone pipe, and proceeded deliberately to fill it with native twist; upon which Ben seeing an opportunity to enjoy his smoke, and perhaps strike acquaintance with the "beautiful unknown," addressed her in his blandest manner with,

Madam, would my smoking discommode you?" "No, Sir," said she, sweetly; "I chaw myself!" Ben's dream was broken.

of traveling showmen, in his last visit to our town, gave us a specimen of the ways and means by which a "dumb baste" can be made to teach the young American the best principles of morals. Perhaps you do not know that Dan Rice is a very worthy and respectable citizen of the county, which he has represented in the Legislature; and as he travels with the animals only three or four months in the year he spends the most of his time in the discharge of the duties that devolve on ordinary mortals.

When the great show was here Dan brought out a trained mule, and offered to allow any boy to ride him around the ring, promising him a dollar if he rode without being thrown off. "And now," said the great and good Dan, "this ere mule is a most extraordinary and intelligent animal: he knows more than that ass did who spoke right out in meet

WE have a little four-year-old boy, who occasionally gets off some original things. The following the angel. You see, if a good boy, who never ing is one. He went to a pond near by, and there for the first time in his life saw a large polliwog; it excited him very much, and he came running to the house, saying, Oh, pa! I saw an awful thing in the water just now!" "What was it?" said his father. "I don't know," said he; "it was all head but its tail!"

ONE of our friends in Illinois writes to the Drawer that at their Sunday-school, a few Sabbaths ago, a teacher asked his infant-class "Who was the first man?" This was almost a stunner; but one little fellow, after thinking a moment, cried out lustily, Lincoln!" while another, not to be outdone, exclaimed, "I was just going to say that!"

AN old farmer, now dead, who bore the cognomen of "Old Tom Fowler," was quite a fun-loving, jolly fellow in his day While working on a bridge, to bridge a deep slough, he was accosted by a gentleman in a two-horse carriage with the question, Is there good bottom to the slough ?" "Yes," replied Tom; and the traveler drove in, stuck, and had to be pulled out-horses, carriage, and self. After succeeding in getting out, traveler wanted to know of Tom why he lied to him, telling him there was "good bottom ?" Says Tom, "There is good bottom, but it's a great deal further down than you went!"

to us.

A VERY useful Society, laudable in its design, in a flourishing city in Illinois, has been started. The Prospectus is printed for signatures, and a copy sent The Drawer never uses tobacco nor profane language, and has no "small vices" of any sort, and would gladly join this "Sosiety" if its members would improve its spelling somewhat. The Drawer believes in spells, though it does not use tobacco by spells, nor swear by spells; but such spells as these of the Western Prospectus gave the Drawer a spell of chills and fever when it came:

UNION SOSIETY.

Against profane language and the use of tobaco. We the under sigened do solomney swear that we will live up to that till futher orders from the sosiety. If thoes laws are broke by us we will pay the sum of 5 cents for each time we brake the laws which is to go for books

tells lies, never swears, but always loves to go to Sunday-school and mind his mother, gets on his back, he will carry him all the way around just as nice as can be. But let a wicked boy, one of your lying, swearing, good-for-nothing little rips, get on, and he will pitch him into the middle of next week before he gets half-way round the ring. Now, boys, who will ride?"

A meek-eyed, well-dressed lad stepped forward, and Dan and he first exchanged a few words: "Do you love to go to Sunday-school?"-" Yes." "Do you ever swear?"-"No."

"Never tell lies?"-"No, Sir," said the boy, very modestly, and mounting, rode round in triumph. Then forth stepped a barefooted tatterdemalion, who was put through the same category, but refused to answer. He could ride as well as swear, and wasn't afraid to mount. Off dashed the mule; then suddenly came to a dead stop, and pitched the urchin over his head, amidst the plaudits of the gathered thousands, who saw in this exhibition the wonderful sagacity of the animal, and the awful danger of lying, swearing, and not going to Sunday-school.

66

ONE of the many and excellent clergymen who enjoy and contribute to the Drawer sends the two following. Though we receive more good things" from the clergy than any other profession, we are, like Oliver Twist, greatly in want of more.

Rev. Thomas Whittemore, D.D., lately extensively known through the country as publisher of the Trumpet, a prominent Universalist journal, was a wit, as well as a theologian of no little celebrity. He loved to give and take a good joke as well as he loved a good dinner, which is saying a great deal for him. Besides his almost Herculean labors as preacher, publisher, and editor, his great business talent made him President of the Fitchburg Railroad Company. But whatever else he did or was, his belief in universal salvation, while living and when dying, was strong and prominent.

Well, soon after he was made President of the railroad aforesaid, in order to post himself in all particulars for a thorough discharge of his duty, he concluded to walk the length of the road-about forty miles-incog, that, while unknown to the

workmen on the road, he might personally judge
of their faithfulness. At length, meeting an em-
ployé upon the road from "sweet Erin, the jewel
of the say," who was very roughly handling some
boards sent for transportation, much to their inju-
ry, the President accosted him mildly, saying,
"My good friend, are you not handling those
boards too roughly?"

"Bedad," responded Pat, "an' if I be, what's all that to the like of yeez?"

"Oh, no matter what it is to me," replied the President, "you should do your work carefully." "Oh, begone, ye botheration!" said Pat, "and lave me to do me own wurruk."

But "No," insisted the President, "you must do your work properly."

"Divil a bit do I care for ye!" returned Pat, growing irate at the persistence of the stranger. "You go to h-ll!"

"Oh no," said the Doctor; "that is the very last place I should think of going to."

"Troth," said Pat, "an' it 'll be the very last place ye will go to, intirely."

IN the lifetime of the noted counselor, B. F. Hallett, Dr. Whittemore was on the stand as a witness in an important case. The Doctor's testimony not helping at all the case which Hallett was pleading, he took occasion to say, rather frequently, as he had been wont to do to other witnesses of less probity, "Now, Mr. Whittemore, I want you to remember that you are testifying under oath." This reminder was rather stinging to the Doctor's sense of right; but he submitted with as good grace as possible till the testimony was closed; when Mr. Hallett observed, rather testily, "Well, Mr. Whittemore, you have contrived to manage your case pretty well.” Mr. Whittemore found his turn now, and, with a peculiar twinkle of his eye, replied, "Thank you, Mr. Hallett; perhaps I might return the compliment if I were not testifying under oath."

ATTERBURY, the celebrated Bishop of Rochester, who flourished in the time of Queen Anne, happened to remark in the House of Lords, while speaking on a certain bill then under discussion, that he had prophesied during the previous winter that the bill would again be brought forward, and he was now very sorry to find that he had been a true prophet. Lord Coningsbury, who spoke after the Bishop, in his usual abusive style, desired the House to take notice that one of the right reverend prelates had set himself forth as a prophet; but for his part he was at a loss what prophet to liken him to, unless it be the prophet Balaam, who was reproved by his own ass. Bishop Atterbury, in reply, calmly exposed the rude attack, concluding as follows:

"Since the noble lord has discovered in our manners such a similitude, I am content to be compared to the prophet Balaam; but, my lords, I am at a loss to make out the other parts of the parallel: I am sure that I have not been reproved by any body but his lordship."

covered tombstones, three returned soldiers came
up. One, who had seen it before, began to explain
it to the others, who were strangers, when one of
them asked who that was sitting on the grave-stone.
"That is Scott," was his reply.
"Scott! let's see:
he was a soldier, wasn't he?" was the response, in-
dicating that Walter and Winfield S. were some-
what mixed in his mind.

His refreshing verdancy, however, was more than matched that same afternoon, when another party of delegates, from up the river, stood at the same spot enjoying the scene which the artist's chisel has so finely reproduced. Seeing that they were evidently from a distance, a stranger stepped up and began to explain it to them. Our friends soon discovering that his knowledge was not equal to his assurance, began to draw him out. Swho is not deficient in that line, innocently asked him who that old man lying on the tombstone was. "Oh, that is Old Mortality." "Well, what is he doing?"

"Why, he is going round the country carving tombstones."

"What is that book he has got there?"

"Oh, that is his order-book, in which he has the inscriptions written that he is to cut on the stones. He keeps it open there so as not to make any mistakes."

With difficulty controlling his risibles, S-soberly continued his investigations: "Well, who is that man sitting on that gravestone?"

Here the voluntary cicerone was at fault, and could only reply,

"I don't just remember."

"Perhaps it was Daniel Webster?" suggested S.

"No, it wasn't Webster."

"Well, was it Lincoln ?"

"No, it wasn't Lincoln; but I guess it was one of them Revolutionary fellers."

RECENTLY, on a Sabbath morning, Mrs. Cof Chattanooga, Tennessee, was engaged, as was usual with her, reading the Scriptures to her little children. She had chosen the first chapter of Genesis on this occasion, and was reading the account of the creation. The children were listening quite attentively; and when she read that God made the fish of the sea, her little son interrupted her by saying, "Mother, did God make the whales too?" She replied by saying, "Yes, my son, God made the whales also." "Then," rejoined little Benny, "I should like to have been there to see Him let it slip; I know it made a big splash!"

THE Rev. Dr. chaplain in the army, sends this admirable incident to the Drawer: At the battle of Belmont, Missouri, in 1861, our forces made a dash into the Belmont camp, directly under the guns of Columbus, and took it. This was General Grant's first battle, and a harder one I have never seen, though many on a much larger scale. WHILE in Philadelphia, attending the recent Na- My hospital was nearly a mile in the rear, and suftional Convention of Young Men's Christian Asso-fered only from a heavy shelling. The first wounded ciations, I went one afternoon, in company with a man that came back I shall never forget. He did friend, to visit the beautiful cemetery at Laurel not belong to my regiment, but to an Illinois regiHill. As we were admiring the fine group of stat- ment farther back. He was not over twenty-one, uary at the entrance by Thom, representing Sir I think. He had received a ball through the large Walter Scott conversing with Old Mortality while muscle of the right arm, just above the elbow; anengaged in his labor of love, deciphering the moss-other through the right shoulder; and another in

was asked if he didn't believe Daniel was cast into the den of lions and escaped unharmed? "Of course I do," was the reply, in a peculiar squeaking and drawling voice. "Well, if that wasn't a miracle, why didn't the lions devour him?" "Why. don't you know," says Darius, "why the lions wouldn't touch Daniel?-Daniel was a beamster, and they knew enough to keep a good distance from him!"

the right side a very ugly wound, making a bullet- | den was brought forward as a clencher, and Darius hole behind and before. Evidently to show his wounds he had taken off his shirt, and thus exposed all the upper part of his body. Besides his own musket he had three of the best that he could pick up on the field-secesh, as he declared. These four muskets he carried on his left shoulder. About ten feet before him was a rebel prisoner whom he was leisurely driving home, directing and cursing according to his tastes; and in his right hand he held a turnip, which I should think weighed about three pounds. This he had compelled the prisoner to procure for him at a field, or turnip-patch, on his way up, and he was munching it with just as much relish as he could have done the day before. Altogether his fully-displayed wounds, with the long streaks of blood running down his naked body-his four muskets on one shoulder-his passive prisoner, whom he was cursing and telling which way to go, and where not to go-his turnip, and his laconic and devil-may-care answers to my boys as they inquired how the battle was progressing, made one of the most ludicrous incidents that I recollect ever to have seen in the war.

IN the little village of Cadiz, Cattaraugus County, New York, it was always the custom on Sundays, between the forenoon and afternoon services, after the usual gossip and ginger-bread had been disposed of, and while the children were engaged in their Sabbath-school exercises, for the older members of the church and congregation to gather together in Bible-class, and discuss the sayings and doings of the prophets and wise men of Old Testament times. On one of these occasions the subject under discussion was, "The Jews, their Observances, Sacrifices," etc., and the question was asked by the pastor, "Why were these rites and ceremonies imposed on the Jews?" Brother Knapp, a worthy old deacon, one of the pillars of the church, and, as will be seen, of an inquiring turn of mind, was the first to answer. "He thought it would be well enough for to inquire wether the Jews raially considered it an imposition?" The effect upon the

ludicrous, may be better imagined than described.

THE REV. Mr. E― had been for several weeks the guest of Dr. C, of Franklin, Tennessee, and had, of course, daily implored the blessing of Divine grace before each meal, lengthening them out generally to the extent of a short prayer. One evening, when there was additional company at the tea-pastor, a young man who had a keen sense of the table, the weather being very cold, the grace was unusually short; when Charlie, a bright little boy of five summers, and the son of the Doctor, promptly spoke up at the conclusion of the service, and said, "It's too cold to say it all to-night, ain't it, Mr. E?" In the explosion that followed no one joined more heartily than the worthy divine.

THE two following come from Lynn, Massachu

setts:

Many years ago there lived in this city an old fellow whose "family antecedents" were none of the best-it didn't run in the family to be respectable; but he finally went West, and after an absence of some years returned in the shape of a Methodist preacher. A meeting was called in one of the big kitchens of those days, and Brother L's old neighbors gathered together to hear him preach -among them Sam I- a rough customer, who hadn't the strongest faith in the returned brother's reformation. The preacher had proceeded a little way in his exhortation when he happened to say, "I am a miserable sinner." "That's true!" was responded by Sam, "and your father was a miserable one before you!" The excellent memory of one of the hearers had spoiled the effects of the meeting.

We have among us a noted wag whose first name is Darius. He will be all things to all men, and nothing to nobody, for the sake of an argument, or, as they call it in these parts, a "trot." I could tell you a hundred stories of him, but one will suffice. Darius lately held a protracted argument with a neighbor of his who is a morocco dresseror a "beamster"-doing that part of the work which is most offensive to the olfactories. The talk was on the miracles; and our hero maintained, as each miracle was brought forward, that it could be easily explained to any one who understood the laws of At length the case of Daniel in the lions'

nature.

OUR little Johnny, who has only just passed his fourth mile-stone, sometimes picks up a strange word from the boys on the street, which he no sooner does than he takes the first opportunity to repeat it in the house. I was sitting by the window one evening reading; his mother and himself were in the next room. I fancied I heard something like swearing, and listened, thinking it must be a mistake-but no; out came a whole volley of oaths, any one of which would almost choke an Algerine pirate. Then I heard his mother exclaim, "Why, Johnny! where on earth did you learn to swear so?" I stepped softly to the door in time to see him look up and say, "Well, ma, I am going to enlist, and I will have to learn, so that I can swear in!"

A FRIEND writes us the following: She is a teacher in Vermont, and has a little negro boy just brought from Secessia for one of her pupils. He does not believe in moral suasion, and can not understand why he does not have the rod applied as a remedy for all his sins against the school laws. One day the teacher was talking to him about heaven and the bright, beautiful angels; when, after listening a moment, he broke out solemnly, "Wouldn't you like to keep school there?" A bright fellow that, who does not need whipping.

DOCTOR E. COLEMAN, who recently died in Northeast Ohio, was a surgeon in the war of 1812, and was stationed at Fort Meigs. Being in need of medical stores, he started for Cleveland to procure them. On his way he stopped for the night at the tavern of one Reed, on Black River, a noted place of resort at the time. In the morning the bill was presented, with an extra charge for whisky. "Whis ky! whisky!" remarked the Doctor, "why, I have had no whisky." "Well, you might have had,"