Besides, you are an old batchelor, a stranger to the ways of wedlock. I am enured to the service. Your sister, Mr. Oldcastle, could have told you what a desperate good husband I was. But, lack a day! you begin late. Mercy on your forehead, say I! mercy on your forehead! Old. Ha! ha! how blind some people are when they have taken a thing in their heads! Ha! ha! Lovi. Well! well! laugh on. But you that have been for ever a censor of your neighbours, for ever fleering and jibing at the married life Old. And a pleasant topic it is! Why matrimony affords a little comedy in every family one knows. But the education I have given Mary Ann→→→→→ Lovi. Is the worst in the world. Old. The very best! I have trained her up in plain simplicity. Woman's wit teems with contrivances to disgrace her husband; yet you would educate Harriet in this profligate town! Lovi. Ay, and I have taught her to know right from wrong. Old. Right from wrong! You have ruined the girl. Have not you indulged her in every whimsy this fertile town affords? Lovi. I have shewn her the world. Old. Have not you carried her to plays? Old. To profligate comedies? Lovi. The stage is the school of virtue. Old. The school of sin and impudence! Lovi. Where vice undergoes the lash of satire- Old. The use of dark closets, back-stairs, and lad ders of rope! Lovi. Where they may learn to put on the veil of modesty. Old. To put on the breeches, and escape from their guardians! Lovi. Where they are taught to respect grey-headed authority! Old. To make a cuckold of authority! I know the ways of 'em all! Their cards, routs, operas, Sɔho. assemblies-all contrivances to excite curiosity, kindle desire, prompt inclination, and send 'em all dancing a jig to destruction. Lovi. Common-place invective! Harriet will know how to avoid Old. She will know how to deceive you. Lovi. She will have too much honour. Old. She will have too much wit. Now Mary Ann has no wild notions, and of course no dangerous curiosity. Lovi. Her curiosity is to come. She'll fall a prey to the first powder'd coxcomb that bows to her. Old. Her simplicity will preserve her. Lovi. But when the serpents of this town begin to whisper in her ear Old. They'll have no opportunity. She is snug in a little box of an house, which I have taken in the name of Mr. Biddulph. I have another lodging in my own name, where I do business. Nobody will see her; and when the nine day's wonder is over, I shall pack off to the country, and so escape from impertinence. Lovi. Well! well! I can't but laugh at your system of education! ha! ha! Marry her if you will; and then, on account of your age and infirmities, you may do the business of your office by deputy-Ha! ha! a plan of simplicity! Old. Brother Lovibond, a good day to you: I wish you success-Ha! ha! a town-education for a young girl! [Exit. LOVIBOND alone. Ha ha! poor man tottering to bed to a young wife! I'll go home to my own Harriet. Enter BELFORD. Bel. 'Sdeath and confusion! my dull brain can devise nothing-hey! is not that old Argus Centoculi with all his eyes out!-Mr. Lovibond-a sight of you -what, have you been out of town? Lovi. No, the builders are carrying the town out of town I think, and so, a body need not move out of London for country air Bel. How charmingly you look! Lovi. What you call a green old age: I am not like the young rakes about this town, who decay in their prime, and are fourscore at five and twenty. Bel. Ay! you have lived upon the interest of your constitution, and have not out-run the principal. I have had the honour of knocking at your door several times Lovi. [Aside.] I know it Bel. But no body at home. Lovi. [Aside. I know that too. Bel. I want to lose a little more money to you at back-gammon. Lovi. I have left it off. Bel. Well well! I'll come and eat a bit of mutton with you. How stand you for to-day? Lovi. What an hurry he is in? [Aside.] I have an unlucky engagement Bel. Well I'll take a morsel of supper. Lovi. Well pushed! [Aside.] I have left off suppers. Bel. So best: I'll be with you at breakfast in the morning. Lovi. I have taken to breakfasting at the coffeehouse. One meets with very sensible people at the coffee-house, and hears men praised for being out of place, and abused for being in place; and a huge deal of news, that's very entertaining in the morning; and all a damned lie in the evening. Your ser vant. Bel. But the fair Miss Harriet-how does she do? Lovi. There he has touched the right string at last. [Aside.] I'll let her know how kind you are. [Going. Bel. Nay, don't fly so soon: I am to give you joy, I hear you are to make Miss Harriet happy, I understand. Lovi. Oh! no; they talk at random. Bel. Yes, yes; come, you have taught her all her accomplishments, and are now to teach her the art of love-ha! ha! Mr. Lovibond. Lovi. I profess no such thing. [Going. Bel. Yes, yes, come-shall I dance at your wedding? You'll trust her with me in a country dance, and see that lovely bosom heave in sweet disorder, and rise as if it wooed your hand to touch it, ere it falls again. Lovi. Ha ha! you talk loosely. Bel. Then when music wakens every gentler passion, and the sprightly romping has called forth all her bloom; then you'll lead her off, consenting, trembling, doubting, blushing. Lovi. Ha ha! ha! Bel. Ha ha!-come, I'll go and dine with you"The world must be peopled, you know"-Ha! ha! ha! [Exeunt together, laughing. Enter OLDCASTLE. Old. Well! well! let him be obstinate, if he will: I must step, and see how Mary Ann has fared these ten days, since I have been in the country. Let me see, what's o'clock?— Enter BRUMPTON, Brump. How her old gaoler will look when he returns to town, and finds she has broke prison! I shall |