her husband, an artillery officer, was very way,-what Yankee wife will not ?—and sick, perhaps dying, and that she must made her visit successfully. see him, and requested the General to authorize the issuing to her of a pass to Murfreesborough. The General's heart was touched; but, knowing nothing of the matter, he referred it to Colonel Barnett, Chief of Artillery. The Colonel, too, sympathized with the distressed wife, and kindly sent an orderly out to the husband's battery to inquire into his condition, that the devoted wife might be advised thereof. Speedily the husband himself came in, with astonishment depicted upon his face. Something's the matter, somehow or somewhere, he does'nt exactly know what. "How do you do?" asked the Artillery Chief. 66 Matronly Opinion of “Corduroy." Mrs. W., an old lady residing in the town of O- was, just after one of the battles in the Southwest, listening to an account of General Grant's operations, in which, among other things, it was stated that he had caused several miles of new road to be constructed, and had covered it here and there with corduroy. "Why, bless me!" she exclaimed, "what a waste! Did a body ever hear the like! There's our boys, poor creatures! some of 'em most naked, and the pesky officers using up on them secessioners' roads all that stuff that was sent to make breeches! I kin tell you," she concluded, with an indignant flourish worthy of the best days of Mrs. Partington, we havn't got the right kind of Ginerals!" The honest matron was not aware that the "corduroy" referred to was not exactly the stuff for the boys' "breeches," but that stout timber construction employed to cover otherwise impassable highways. Halleck and the Teamster. That General Halleck, like General Perfectly well now, no consumption, Sherman, is, in military as well as perliver complaint, fever, spleen, or Tennes-sonal affairs, a man of some odd ways, is see quickstep? eh?" saying nothing to his damage as a soldier. "Certainly not. Why do you ask?" When in camp, he was accustomed to put In reply to this query, the telegram of on citizen's dress and privately take a look his anxious wife was handed to him. He at men and things. During one of these read it, looked down and pondered for a tours-not unknowing but unknown-he moment in silent wonder at the ingenuity helped a teamster out of the mud, then of the woman, then called for a bottle of gave him a severe lecture for not driving wine, and a general "smile" circulated carefully. He laughed heartily to hear among the by-standers. The loving wife the witticisms of a teamster upon himself. was informed by telegraph that her hus- The high water in the river made a slough band was in no danger,-in fact, was do- all but impassable. The teamster had ing remarkably well. Thus she was cir- floundered through it, and, having reached cumvented for a time. Yet, to "vindicate the top of the bluff, and being in sight of the truth of history," it needs to be added head-quarters, relieved himself of volley that she gained her point in some other after volley of oaths upon the creek, his horses, the roads, and lastly upon General | tress Monroe. All parties were indignant. Halleck for not having the creek bridged. On arriving at Norfolk the case was subThe criticism was just; but the General mitted to General Wild, who told Mr. had already ordered the construction of a bridge, and, being incog., could enjoy the verbal castigation. Walker to write out a statement and submit it to Prof. Woodbury, Superintendent of Schools. Prof. Woodbury submitted it to General Butler, and the parties were duly summoned before that official. The officiating clerk of the boat, Mr. Wilson, was asked by General Butler what he had to say for himself. Wilson-I remember seeing those persons on the boat, and remember some complaint being made about a mulatto eating at the first table. General-Who made those complaints? Wilson-I do not know, General, all that were on board. I can not remember all the names and faces. Down upon the Table-Waiters. The illustration afforded of General Butler's pluck, in what follows, could hardly be exceeded by the most graphic sketches of that always graphic and brilliant writer, Mr. Parton, to whom we are indebted for one of the very best military biographies in the whole range of war literature, possessing, as it does, almost the fascination of romance. It appears that a respectable colored woman, named Clara Duncan, left New York city, in company with a Mr. Walker and a Miss Bassett (white), for Norfolk, being sent by the American Missionary Association as teachers to the freed people. It was the desire of the Secretary, Rev. Mr. Whipple, that the two female passengers, white complained? If Governor Pierpont had and black, on arriving at Baltimore, should anything to do with it he shall not remain occupy the same state room on board of in my lines. Did Gov. Pierpont comthe boat. plain? General-You must remember some of them. Wilson-Gov. Pierpont was on board and he— Gen. Then you say Gov. Pierpont Wilson-No, sir. Gen.-Who did complain, then? Wilson-I do not know that any one complained. Gen. They either complained or did not complain-which was it? Wilson-They did not complain; but, General, it has always been the rule-Gen. Has been, is not now; there's where the trouble lies-has been. All passed pleasantly; they were seated in the upper saloon when the gong sounded for tea. The clerk invited all down, Miss Duncan with the others. After tea, the clerk called Mr. Walker aside and inquired whether he knew the regulations of the boat. Mr. Walker replied that he did not. The clerk then said, "We don't allow niggers to eat at the first table. And you go and tell her to come out of that saloon to a place prepared for her, or I shall take her down publicly." During agent, remarked, "Mr. Rollins, you run the conversation, the mail agent, by the on the steamer Louisiana?" name of Rollins, stepped up and said that Rollins-I do. Mr. Walker" was no gentleman for trav- Gen. Your employment is to tend to eling with a nigger wench," neither was the mail and express, I believe. You, sir, Miss Bassett a lady for occupying the are charged with calling that young lady same state room. Arrangements were (pointing to Miss Duncan,) improper made for Miss Duncan to remain in her names. Miss Duncan has not the power state room until the boat arrived at For- to change her color; that she can not con The General then, turning to the mail trol, but her character; and to call her a nigger-wench implies that she is of disre putable character. business is to tend Rollins-I never said so. Gen. You say your to the mail and express. Rollins-Yes, and to wait on table. Gen.-It does not seem probable that you should say anything of the kind. The waiters are generally colored persons. You are a waiter, you say; therefore it is not natural that you should say anything against your associates. May I ask, Mr. Rollins, what business you had to say anything? The clerk had spoken; that was sufficient. Mr. Rollins said nothing. The General, then turning to Mr. Wilson: "When John or Susan traveled with master or mistress, they could stay in the saloons or sleep in the same state-room, could they not?" Wilson-Yes. Gen.-Well, now I would like to ask one more question: Which do you consider in the highest state of civilization, the slave in his chains or the free person of color? Wilson-I do not know-I guess think-well, I suppose, the free person. I Gen. Where were you born? General-And brought up in Baltimore, too, I suppose. Rollins-Yes. Gen. Well, now, Mr. Rollins, your employment on the Baltimore boats is at an end. Clerk, write an order to that effect, write one also to the Captain. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. "Abe" and "Andy." The drift of the communication given below will be found explained in the universal domestic dictionary. The applicant, Normain Doane, an Indiana volunteer, asked for a furlough of twenty or thirty days in order to visit his wife and twins, boys, recently born, which he designed having christened "Abe" and "Andy.” The document had passed through the War Department, from which place it was referred to the Adjutant General's office, then to the Medical Director's Department, where it was reported that he had been transferred to Philadelphia. The document was then sent back to the Military Commander at Washington, from thence to the Adjutant General's office, and then to General Couch's Department. The Medical Director of the latter finally referred the matter to the surgeon in charge of the hospital in which the patient was confined, who immediately granted Gen. You admit, then, the free man. Well, all I want is that the free man shall have the same rights the slave once enjoyed; they shall sit in saloons, sleep in state-rooms, and go to the first table, if the applicant the furlough : they desire. Wilson-I suppose I may tell them they may be insulted? Gen. Oh, yes! and I shall excuse you, Mr. Wilson, if I never hear the same thing again. You were trying to promote your employers' interest. Remember what I have said. Now, Mr. Rollins, am I to believe your assertions? How much do you receive per month? Rollins Twenty-five dollars. Gen.-How much do you receive from Government? Rollins-Not anything, Sir. Judiciary Square Hospital, Ward 15. Washington City, D C., June 23, 1864. J DEAR SIR: The Union is saved. Hur rah! Make room in Abraham's bosom ! Do please grant me a furlough for twenty or thirty days to go to Fort Wayne, Ind., to christen 'em Abe and Andy; and besides, I would like to know if they look like me. I am not so sick now. A few days at home will do me more good than six months in the hospital. Should any ref erence be required on patriotism and pub "Sdop, mine young vrend,-sdop one lic service, Schuyler Colfax; on domestic letle momend. You zay to de Generawl relations, Mrs. Doane. tent. Very respectfully, NORMAIN DOANE, dat I will make it one gran' objecs for 'im,one rich speculadion! You understan', eh?" The orderly was about to force the base Private, signed Corporal U. S. A. interloper out, with an added word of P. S.-The little presents necessary military admonition, when General Grant upon such occasions need not be sent till came quickly forward. He had heard the after the 4th of March next, when Andy whole conversation, and comprehended will be present also. N. D. the entire case in a moment. It was a covert assault on his nice sense of honor, Impromptu Enforcement of Discipline. and he was determined to punish it on the General Grant was one day busy with spot. Stepping to the open front of his his military plans in the inner part of his tent, the General seized the rascally operHis maps, rules, and compasses, ator by the collar, and, lifting him several were all in use. His mind ranged over inches from the ground, applied the toe of the vast extent of country under his con- his boot to him in such a manner that he trol. Mountains were scaled, rivers fordwas pitched out headlong, falling on the ed, swamps bridged, deserts traversed, muddy ground at a distance of nearly ten forests threaded, storms and sunshine were feet. Before the orderly could recover overcome, and he was master of the situa- from his surprise, the General had quietly tion. He was just laying out his plan of retired to his inner apartment, and the a projected battle, intensely occupied with next moment was as busily engaged with the marshalling of his troops in their best his maps, and plan of campaign, as if positions for victory, when his ear caught nothing had happened. the inquiry, put to his orderly, in a strong foreign accent,— "Is de Generawl in?" Then came the reply, in a firm, decided tone, which General Grant understood instantly Password as Understood by the German In the Union army of the West, one of the officers,-a wag, too, in his way,— whose duty it was to furnish the guards "Yes, Sir, the Commanding General is with a password for the night, gave the in; but he is very busy, Sir." "Could I zee him a vew momenz?" "He ordered me to say, Sir, that he would be very much occupied for some time" "On de advance, eh?" interrupted the intruder; "Den he is going down furder to de coddon regione?" word "Potomac." A German on guard, not understanding distinctly the difference between the B's and P's, understood it to be 'Bottomic,' and this, on being transferred to another, was corrupted to 'Buttermilk.' Soon afterward the officer who had given the word wished to return through the lines, and approaching the sentinel, "I can't say where he is going, Sir: I was ordered to halt, and the word dedon't know. You must leave." manded. He gave "Potomac." Stranger became more excited, and his accent more peculiar. "Mine young vrend, I have one important proposals to make de Generawl,-a proposals, mine young vrend " "I can't hear your 'proposal.' out, Sir!" "Nicht right: you don't pass mit me dis way." "But this is the word, and I will pass." "No, you stan'"; at the same time placing a bayonet at his breast in a manStep ner that told Mr. Officer that " Potomac " didn't pass in Missouri. "What is the word then?" "Buttermilk." "Well, then, Buttermilk.'" his head, he examined carefully, and to his astonishment found himself euchered of his milk; but he made the discovery that "Dat is right; now you pass mit your- as he advanced the cow-bell retreated. self all about your pizness." Congressman Ely at the Confederate Passport Office. When Congressman Ely, of New York, but for a time a prisoner in Richmond, was finally released, in exchange for Hon. Mr. Faulkner, of Virginia, on calling at the office for his passport, a hearty laugh occurred over the brown paper on which it was printed, and which had been contracted for by the superintendent of public printing. He asked if it was Southern manufacture. The passport officer replied in the affirmative, and suggested that he should exhibit it, the specimen, in the North, and say that although crude in its origin, they-the South-would refine upon it, and never cease striving for independence until they could make as good Congressman Ely. paper as the Yankees. Congressman Ely naively replied that he had no doubt they would arrive at the dignity of white paper. Caught in his own Trap. The sergeant of one of the Union picket guards suddenly had his attention drawn to the tinkling of a cow-bell in the bushes. With visions of new milk running through The sergeant smelt a moderate sized mice, and made a double-quick retrograde movement. He immediately reported the affair to Colonel Hays. The Colonel secreted a squad of men in the woods, and Caught in his own Trap. the sergeant again made himself conspicuous. He brushed about among the bushes, and the cow-bell approached. The squad soon had the satisfaction of seeing -not the cow-bell, but a secesher, with a cow-bell hung to his neck and a six-shooter in his belt. When he got within easy range, and in sight of the squad, the sergeant hailed him: "I say, old fellow, would you rather go to, or to Washington?" The squad at the same time stepped forward. "To Washington, I reckon," drawled the rebel-"I ain't clothed for a warm climate." And he accordingly delivered himself up with the best possible grace. Marshall's " Demijohn Drill." Colonel Marshall, when stationed at Baltimore, proved himself a prompt and efficient officer, according to the testimony of his men, over whom he exercised not only a military but moral oversight. On a certain occasion, at dress parade, he gave |