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the crowd he said: "If I could only dis-emy's country, two miles a week shall be pose of my wife and children, I'd go in a the maximum, and no marches shall be minute." A gentleman who knew him made except the country abound in game, well stepped up and said, “I'll look after them!" "Hold my horse," cried the other, and with one bound he was in the camp, and a volunteer.

Wisconsin Body-Guard for the President.

"Brick" Pomeroy, an editor—and wag -in La Crosse, Wisconsin, on being invited to assist in forming a body guard for President Lincoln, after due consideration decided to "go in," provided the following basis could be adopted and rigidly adhered to throughout the war.

The company shall be entirely composed of colonels, who shall draw pay and rations in advance.

Every man shall have a commission, two servants, and white kids.

or if any member of the regiment object.

Kid gloves, gold toothpicks, cologne, hair-dressing, silk underclothes, cosmetics, and all other rations, to be furnished by the Government.

Each member of the regiment shall be allowed a reporter for some New York paper, who shall draw a salary of two hundred dollars a week, for puffs, from the incidental fund.

Every member shall be in command, and when one is promoted all are to be. Commissions never to be revoked.

Roiled because he could not Fight.

James Leonard, of Upper Gilmanton, N. H., who had been rejected as a volunteer on account of his being over fortyEach man shall be mounted in a cov-five years of age, thus expressed his views ered buggy, drawn by two white stallions. of his own case and the et ceteras pertainUnder the seat of each buggy shall ing thereto :— be a cupboard, containing cold chicken, "After accepting several men over pounded ice, and champagne, a la mem- forty-five years of age, and several inbers of Congress and military officers at fants, such as a man like me could whip Bull Run. a dozen of, I was rejected because I had the honesty to acknowledge I was more than forty-five years of age. The mustering-officer was a very good-looking man, about thirty-five years old, but I guess I can run faster and jump higher than he; also take him down, whip him, endure more hardships, and kill three rebels to his one."

Each man shall have plenty of cards and red chips to play poker with.

The only side-arms to be opera glasses, champagne glasses, and gold-headed canes. The duty of the company shall be to take observations of battle, and on no account shall it be allowed to approach nearer than ten miles to the seat of war. Behind each buggy shall be an ambuPoor Jeems ought to have been allowed lance, so arranged as to be converted into the chance of trying his hand—at least a first-class boarding house in the day- on the last-mentioned class. time, and a sumptuous sleeping and dressing room at night.

Mrs. Smith's Husband to be Exchanged.

At the battle of Ball's Bluff, one of the gallant boys of the Twentieth Massachu

The regimental band must be composed of pianos and guitars, played by young ladies, who shall never play a quickstep setts regiment was taken prisoner, and except in case of retreat.

confined with many others at Salisbury, N. C. His name was-say Tom Smithand he had a wife and children living not a thousand miles from New Bedford. In case of a forced march into an en- When it became pretty certain that there

Reveille shall not be sounded till late breakfast time, and not then if any one of the regiment has a headache.

would be a general exchange of prisoners, sea. He endeavored to pacify her, and some kind friend, desirous of relieving the terrible anxiety of the wife, called and informed Mrs. Smith that her husband would probably be exchanged. said the lonely woman, "I love Tom, and -the children love Tom, and I don't want him exchanged. I won't have a rebel husband, so now." The poor woman thought the exchange was a swap, and that she was to have some chap from the South in lieu of her real husband. Tom, however, reached home by-and-by, to the great delight of Mrs. S., who was afraid that exchange, in this case, was to prove robbery -and worse than that

left home for a time. On his return, finding her in the same melancholy frame of mind, he threatened, in jest, that if she "Well," made further reference to the matter, he would enlist voluntarily.

A Mother Puts Out the Eyes of her own
Son to keep him from the War.

Mrs. Eastwick, doubtless laboring under some hallucination, or uncontrollable operation of her mind, seems now to have resolved upon the sad act of mutilating her son in such a manner as to prevent his being accepted for military service, whether as a volunteer or conscript. She deliberately pressed a burning coal upon his right eye, while he slept upon a lounge, and the optic nerve was thus destroyed with but a momentary pang of pain to poor Stark. He became entirely blind. It may well be supposed that this unfortunate issue from her fears did not contribute to the mother's peace of mind. On the contrary, insanity took hold upon her, her sane moments being marked by melancholy regret at her frenzied act.

My Gift to My Country.

It was little more than three years ago that I met him for the first time. Alike

A deed to make humanity shudder was enacted in the neighborhood of Terre Haute, in connection with the drafting of recruits for the army. Mrs. John Eastwick, the wife of a respectable farmer, was the mother of seven children, all boys. In the early part of the war, two of these enlisted and served with General Buell in From more than one heart-yea, from Kentucky. One of them, the eldest, Ezra, multitudes-came forth the same sweet, died of exposure in camp, and his brother sad sentiments of domestic love mingled Thomas soon after suffered an amputation with patriotic self-sacrifice, which utter of the right leg, from injuries received in themselves so earnestly in the following a cavalry skirmish. These casualties sentences :operated upon Mrs. Eastwick's mind to such a degree that she lost all fortitude and presence of mind, and sat during in thought, feeling and action, we seemed whole days weeping and full of forebodings. Among her premonitions was a curious one, namely, that her third son, Stark, would also die in battle. As the war advanced and conscription began, Mrs. Eastwick's fear on this point grew intense. Finally, the first draft came; the State had filled its quota in almost every district, and Stark promised his mother that, under no circumstances, would he go to the field. But a second draft being projected, the mother's fears and excitement augmented. She endeavored to persuade her son to leave the country and make a voyage to

exactly united to each other; at least, we thought so; and hope painted the future with roseate hues. Our home might be an humble one, but love and confidence, with a mutual trust in our Heavenly Father, and each other, would well make up for the lack of worldly fortune; and many a bright hour did we spend together, dreaming fairy dreams of the future. But, thank God, we did not set our hearts upon them, for both of us had learned to say, "Thy will be done!" Together we studied God's holy word, and "walked to the house of God in company"; together

Gottlieb Klobbergoss on the Draft.

we courted the society of the Muses, and many a glad hour have we passed writing I dink muchs about de war und de draft, for each other. He was everything to me! und de rebils, und all about dese dings. I Many friends are very, very dear, but none dinks about 'em more as about anyding can fill his place! IT IS VACANt now. else. Sometimes I sets mits myself all It was a beautiful summer evening, day on de front stoop, und schmokes, und nearly midnight; the moon sailed majes- drinks hard cider, und does noting else tically overhead, and seemed to look laugh- only drink; den my vife she gifs me de ingly down upon us, as, arm in arm, we teufel for drinkin so much, und ses I vas wended our way home from spending the petter go und see atter Jacop, our hired evening with a friend; but my heart was man, und not bodder my head mit more as very heavy, for the call for six hundred I can understood. But I tells her what thousand more soldiers had just been shall vomens know about war? better she made, and we had been speaking of a goes und mindts her own piseness. I draft. My only brother is not a Christian, drubles myself more about Abraham as and it lay heavy on my heart that perhaps about Jacop. he might be taken from us, and die without hope. I said some such words, and he (I cannot write the familiar name yet), drew me closer to him, and said earnestly, "If the draft comes, I will go instead of Ben."

The draft did not come, for bravely, and of their own free wills, the sons of New Jersey responded to the call of their President, and hundreds left their pleasant homes to go forth boldly and fight the battles of their country. Oh, methinks I can still see his proud, elastic step; still feel the pressure of his warm hand as we said our last good-bye; still see the dear form as he rose in the stern of the boat to call it yet once more to the sad little group on the shore; still see the boat dwindling in the mist as it bears him away from me forever -the gift I gave my country! O, Fredericksburg! thou that didst drink the blood of my cherished one!

They have laid him to rest near Falmouth; but he is not there. Sometimes in the shadowy twilight, I feel him near me, and he seems to whisper sweet thoughts of another meeting. I can not see him, but I feel his presence. When I speak his name it dies in a hollow echo; but I know he hears it, and will some day answer My gift to my country-I gave thee freely! Heaven has accepted the sacrifice! We'll meet again-ah, yes!

Ven I gits tired mit drinkin on my own stoop. I goes down to Hans Butterfoos's tavern, und I drinks dere, und I tells my obinion, und some oder one tells his obinion, und we makes him out togedder. De oder day begins de draft. Dat bodders me agin. Some goes in for de draft, mostly dem as is too olt, and von't be took demself; some goes agin de draft; und some don't know vich vay to goes, but ony goes roundt und roundt, und gits boddered like dam so as I do.

But, nefer mind, I dinks I must find dis ding out, und down I goes to Hans Butterfoos und hears de fellers blo. I don't make notin mit dat; dey all blos some uder vay, und I don't dink dey hef him rite in dere own mind to. So I begins und asks a questchun; und I ses to Bill Puffenshtock:

"Vot you dinks von de draft, dat it is

rite?"

And ses Bill: "No, I dinks et ain't rite."

Vell, I don't believes him, caus he sheated me vonce mit a plind mare he sells on me. So I dries agin und shpeaks mit Fritz Hoerkenshplicer.

"Vot you dinks von de draft, Frith, ef it's rite or not?"

And Fritz, he ses, dat he "Dinks it is shust so as it ought to be."

But I don't believes him neder, 'cause

he run'd aginst me last year for de peace | him dam, you petter had believe; but ef of shustice, und dey makes him de peace I goes to Richmond, may be Sheff Davis -dat is de shustice. Und he is no more gifs me dam. So onyhow, I shtays home. good for shquire as my old cat. So I gifs De oder day, my Shorge he comes back up askin somebody, und makes him out mit a furlow. He is so much a corporal myself. I dinks in dis shtyle; de reason as ever he vas, und I shpeaks mit him dey go mid de draft, is becos dey want about dese dings, und I gifs you now what sojers. Ef dey don't git no sojers den he ses:

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dey can't bring on de war. Ef dey don't Shorge," I asks him, "you've bin mit bring on de war den dey don't licks de de rebils und mit de army, und mit Olt rebils. Ef dey don't licks de rebils, den Abe, und dese fellers; vat you dinks von de rebels licks dem. Ef de rebils licks dis draft dat all de beeples blos about?" dem den we all go to ter tuyfel. Dat's Und he ses to me, "Oh, tunder!" pooty straight. So much. Well, dats his obinions.

May be he

He's pooty

Now I must dink of some more; vot is shall know somedings to. de next ding? I dink dat's all rite; but shmart sence he goes for a sojer. He now I shtops, someding else comes doe. shwears like a man shix foots high, und Let me sees. Oh, yes; dry hunderd tol- calls mudder "olt voman," und he calls me lars-dat's de ding-dey all blos about "cap,” and he kisses de ghals, and he calls de dry hunderd tollars. I dinks so my-Jacop "dam phool." I dinks he gits some self. Dry hunderd tollars don't licks de high offis before de war is gone.

GOTTLIEB KLOBBERGOSS.

Quid Pro Quo.

Before the close of the "peace" inter

ribils no more as dry hunderd cenths. Vot's de goot mit tollars? Petter a good. shmart sojer, like my Shorge, he licks de rebils more tan shix hunderd tollars, yes. Now, I know more as Bill Puffershtock view between President Lincoln and the und Fritz Hoekenshplicer, both togedder. three Richmond Commissioners, in FebWe want de sojers, not de tollars. Dat's ruary, 1865, "Vice President" Stephens where de bodder is. We pooty soon spoke to President Lincoln on the subject makes money enuff; but paper sojers is of the exchange of prisoners, and asked ony goot mit wooden guns, so when de him what was proposed to be done in the draft comes und ven men ses, "here is dry matter. The President replied that every hunderd tollars," I shtays behindt und thing connected with that subject had dont fight de rebils, den if I was de draft been confided to the care of General I takes dat man by his preeches und I ses, "Go to ter tuyfel mit your tollars und come along mit me like some oder man as has got no tollars und don't like to go sojerin so bad as not you do," den pooty soon I gits so much as I vants; dat's my ideas.

Mr.

Grant, and that all information must come from him, through the regularly established channels of communication. Stephens then said he had a favor to ask of Mr. Lincoln, and which, if he could grant, he would esteem a personal obligaI tells my olt voman, if dey drafts tion. The President, of course, inquired me I goes myself. To be sure, I don't what the favor was. Mr. Stephens said dink dey will, 'cause I am more as feefty it was in reference to a nephew of his who years; but nefer mindt. I should go a long while, like my Shorge, ony deres two dings I don't like, und one is de marshin und de oder is de fitin. I sooner marshes down to Hans Butterfoos und fites dere. Ef Sheff Davis comes dere on me, I gifs to do that; but I will give you a note to

had been taken prisoner some time ago, and still continued in the North. His desire was to have him released.

"Well," said Mr. Lincoln, after a little reflection, "I don't think I have the power

"And you accepted the offer?"
"Indeed I did, most gladly. I go for

General Grant, who will, no doubt, do all and transfer my bounty to her, she would he can to oblige you. But, by the way," cancel the mortgage and present my wife he added, "there is, I believe, a young with two hundred and fifty dollars in man, a Union Lieutenant, in one of your greenbacks." prisons in the South, of about the same rank as the young man you wish to get released. If you will try and get him one year. I come back with a farm clear out of prison I will use my influence for of incumbrance. My wife the liberation of your nephew, and they take care of it for a year. My pay will can be easily exchanged one for the keep me, and my family can live without other." me for at least that time. Besides, I am glad to go. I wanted to go all along, but couldn't leave my folks."

Mr. Stephens asked the name of the young Lieutenant, and, on being informed, borrowed a pencil, and, tearing a slip of paper, took a note of it, saying that he would do what he could in the matter. "Very well," said Old Abe; "send him to us, and your nephew shall go down to you.”

"I've Enlisted, Sir."

"And you are glad to go!"

and boy can

"Indeed I am. I feel just as contented and free from care as my red cow when Sally is milking her. If I can be with Grant when he goes into Richmond, it will be the very happiest day of my life."

coln.

A wealthy citizen of Philadelphia had Representative Recruit for President Linbeen supplied with butter twice a week by a young farmer living on the edge of Philadelphia county. He came on one of his usual days to the house with his butter, received his pay, and then asked for a brief interview with the head of the household. The gentleman complied with the request thus made, and the young agriculturalist was duly ushered into the Marshal-General, Mr. N. D. Larner, of parlor.

"I just wished to thank you, Sir, for your custom for these three years, and to say that after to-day I can not longer serve you."

"I'm sorry for that. Your butter and eggs have always been very fine. What's the matter?"

"I've enlisted, Sir." "Enlisted?"

"Yes, Sir. A mortgage of eleven hundred dollars has been hanging over my place. I purchased it from a ladyMrs. B."

"Yes. I know her very well." "Well, Sir, she holds the mortgage. She offered, last Saturday, if I would enlist as a representative substitute for her,

President Lincoln caused himself to be represented in the great army of which, by virtue of his office, he was Commander-in-Chief, by obtaining a recruit-Mr. John S. Staples. Mr. S., arrayed in the uniform of the United States army, and accompanied by General Fry, Provost

the Third Ward, Washington, and the recruit's father, was taken to the Executive Mansion, where he was received by President Lincoln. General Fry in-introduced him by saying: "Mr. President, this is the man who is to represent you in the army for the next year." Mr. Lincoln shook hands heartily with Mr. Staples, remarked that he was a good-looking, stout and healthy-appearing man, and believed he would do his duty.. He asked Staples if he had been mustered in, and he replied that he had. Mr. Larner then presented the President with a framed official notice of the fact that he had put in a representative recruit, and the President again shook hands with Staples, expressing to him his kind personal

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