constantly resorted to, be an intolerable bore-merely a resort, in fact, pour passer le temps in absolute want of something to do, look and be looked at. And yet there are bright eyes and chignons and crinolines and Paris bonnets, like charming flowers in a bed of thistles, among which the military costume predominates, as it does in all places of foreign amusement. Officers of all ranks and every class of the service, cavalry and infantry, artillery and engineers, booted and spurred as if the bugle-blast might at a moment call them from frivolity to fighting. For, sooth, the military are in a majority in all places abroad, particularly as regards Prussia; and their abundant presence is, I take it, rather the reverse than pleasing to the quiet traveller who seeks amusement, or the modest citizen who desires to enjoy his evening stroll, with the addition of a little had beer and good music, without the necessity of pushing here and crowding there to avoid the prick of a spur or a crack on the shin with a scabbard. Moreover, helmets are rather out of place in a tea or beer garden, as would they be at Cremorne. When the clock strikes the hour of ten, the aristocracy, diplomatic and civil, male and female, or those who perchance believe themselves to be better than their neighbours, barring the junior branches male, retire to tea, potato salads or other luxuries, bed, and repose. Berliners are, for the most part, "early to bed and early to rise," and they ought to be "healthy, wealthy, and wise;" doubtless they are so in their own ideas. I do not question the fact. And here and there till midnight, a trifle more freedom, a little more beer, a great deal more tobacco, soft words, and—but I am not writing of peccadilloes so let the curtain fall, for the gates are shut, and the bubble called "Krooll's Garden" bursts, and all the good folks retire-as their several tastes demand-to bed or to Belzebub, whichever they prefer. Such is Krsoll's Garden; and such as it is, it is, to say the least of it, one of the only redeeming points in the general dulness of a Berlin summer's evening.

We dismount and wash: that is refresh.

The Count's dinner and wine are good; the Bohemian pheasant well truffled, and the Johannisberg excellent; his amiable hospitality far better than either; and our tête-à-tête repast, enlivened with sporting chat, passed off most agreeably. Dinner over, we drew our chairs towards the blazing wood fire-I have already remarked that my host had this luxury-and enjoyed it instead of the suffocating horrors of a stove. Havanahs lighted, we felt far to cosy to turn out again on that night, even for the chance amusement at Krooll's, and so dropped into pleasant converse.

"You have frequently been in England, Count?" I observed. "Not often, mon cher: twice only.'

"And you liked our sporting little island?"

"Liked it? Yes, vary much, vary much indeed."

However, he spoke English better than I can write it; so we will forget any little errors in phraseology.

"The hunting and shooting?" I continued.

"I can scarcely speak of them practically, as I was there during the summer only."

"Well, then, the habits of life, the society, the beauties of Nature?" "All," he replied. "As regards gastronomy, your meat is the best

in the world, barring the vel; your butter the freshest, your hams delicious; and as for fish, there is no fish worth eating out of her Majesty Queen Victoria's dominions, not even red mullet, so much vaunted in the Mediterranean."

"Fish? Yes: our fish is certainly excellent, and reasonably cheap. I trust the day is not far distant when it will become within the range of the poorer classes, not as a luxury, but as a means of food: indeed, it ought to be so now, if purchased from the catcher, instead of the fishmonger. Did you ever enjoy a fish-dinner at Greenwich ?"

"Enjoy a fish-dinner at Greenwich!" exclaimed the Count, casting the end of his cigar into the blazing pine logs, from excitement. "A fish-dinner at Greenwich! Why, mon Colonel, it is, or rather was, one of the events of my life, never to be forgotten. Will you have the details?"

"By all means," I replied, placing myself comfortably in my luxurious arm-chair; and, having lighted another cigar, he thus commenced, appearing to enjoy the recital as much himself as did I:

"Pardon me, caro Tuxfordo, a slight digression. There are several human beings in the next room chatting in what appears to some like an unknown tongue-something between the rubbing of two nutmeg-graters together with a mumbling like a barrel-organ out of tune. It is called Northern German. At all events, it is so unlike the agreeable and hilarious manner in which the Count told his tale, that if I drop any of the most piquant points, let these natives (not oysters) have the blame."

THE COUNT'S TALE.

I chanced to be on a visit of a few days to a very agreeable friend in the neighbourhood of Richmond, when we were invited to join what in England you designate as a "vitebate dinner at Greenwich. Better call it a "black-bète " dinner. If I recollect aright, it was on or about the 1st of July, the weather at the time being exceedingly hot. Unfortunately, the night previous to the dinner my host was taken very unwell, and I was compelled to go alone. At first I positively refused, as I spoke your language very indifferently, and scarcely knew how to get there. However, my friend, as every one else does in England, said "All right: go you must;" and so go I did; and having at length arrived safe, had a most agreeable walk with one of the party in the splendid park-to get an appetite, as he said; adding, the more fresh air you swallow, the better able to swallow the "vitebate."

The dinner was at length served in a very pleasant bay-windowed apartment, looking on the noble river which you call Father Thames. But I must say your Father neither looks fresh nor smells sweet; so I conclude it is not the river but the "vitebate" which attracts so many during the season to that fishy and indigestible locality. So let that pass, though my host subsequently told me it was simply the "fashion" (a word in the English language which in vain I have endeavoured to comprehend), and that "vitebate," he added, might be had just as fresh, and far more agreeably, in that little arcada called the Star and the Garter, on the hill at beautiful Richmond.

I was informed that I was invited to a "vitebate" dinner, and I cer

tainly expected a little fish, but the only fish I got a little of was "vitebate." But why should I describe the dinner to you who must so frequently have partaken of one? Fish we certainly had indeed. I might have gorged myself with fish, and eaten myself to suffocation with the numerous other delicacies so hospitably forced on my acceptance. "Only just taste it," and so on.

You will pardon me, mon cher, but "vitebates are a mistake, save in the pleasant society going, and there met with; and the misery to most when returning, or, at all events, when awakening the following morning! I know not what sort of interiors Englishmen enjoy, but stewed eels do not agree with "vitebate," water souché with salmon-cutlets, filet de sole with gudgeons, followed by duck and green peas, hashed venison, &c., creating, en masse, such dire confusion in a foreign stomach, to say nothing of the innumerable libations, commencing with delicious punch and ending with brandy and soda-water, that the gastronomic indulgence becomes-what shall I say?-on or about a disgusting penance.

When we meet in Old England-which I trust we may-should you ask me to a "vitebate" dinner, just let it be one, or at the most two dishes of "vitebate" (don't forget the punch), a neck of venison, an apricot fritter, a pint of the very best champagne, iced to a turn, and a bottle of burgundy to rectify it, in a cool room at the "Star and the Garter," overlooking the green glorious vale, with your Father Thames flowing calmly through the richly wooded scene, smelling sweet, and freshening when converted into hay-fields and gardens, far from the big city.

However, as I said before, the dinner may be excellent, the society very agreeable, but the restrospect is very disagreeable. No sooner over than my sorrows began. We arrived, on our return to town, at the Charing-cross station on or about midnight, though, of course, I was informed by my amiable friends that it was about a quarter past ten, as I had urged on them the necessity of my catching the last train from the Waterloo-station for Richmond. So the very moment we arrived, I rushed out for a cab-these two " very kind" friends aiding me. No sooner in the cab than I urgently begged the driver to make all speed, with the promise of an extra "pour bois."

"Yes," said one of the kind friends, puffing away at the end of his cigar; make all possible haste, and be most careful of your charge: he is a foreign noblemen of distinction."

Very kind, was it not?

"Yes, very," I remarked, shaking from a desire to laugh outright. "Take a cigar to smoke en route, my lord," said the other, as I thought, with a grin, adding "Mind, Cabby, be careful of his lordship." "All right, zur," he replied: "never fear, I'll see his lordship safe to the station.”

No;

Indeed, I was overcome with these repeated acts of kindness. perhaps it was the vitebate, or the punch, or the soda-water, or the devil that overcame me-I cannot recollect. Suffice, I perceived-of course it was only fancy-that the cab-driver (cabbies, you call them) muttered, when driving off, something about the trains being all gone this 'alf-hour or more. If it was only fancy, I trust the good man will pardon me. Again, it struck me that I heard my " very kind

friends" both laughing, while the younger (they were neither very young, nor good-looking, as far as that goes) said, "I judge his lordship will not see Richmond to-night."

Mein Got! these "my kind friends "-the wretches! If I had them here I would drown both in the Spey. I subsequently heard that the nasty fellows went to their club, or some even worse place, and drank brandy and soda till daybreak, which very soon came. What stomachs ! what ostriches! and no doubt "his lordship" formed the principal part of their diabolical conversation. Indeed, one of them, who fancies he is a very clever fellow, subsequently caricatured me with my head out of the window. It was out of the window several times, as I spoke to the driver; but the caricaturist made it appear as if I was in the position in which find many poor travellers who are compelled to cross the Channel on a stormy night. You understand me, Colonel?

you

"Perfectly," I replied with a groan, to conceal my laughter.

On my arrival at the station, as the cabby had justly remarked-so I concluded it was no fancy, after all-the trains had all left an hour ago, and for the moment I felt inclined to break the law on the cabby's head, though no fault of his; but the man was powerful, and his head was apparently hard; so I felt the best part of valour was discretion, and I refrained. However you Englishmen box, we do not; but I did break the law, for I "demmed" every body and every thing, my two kind friends in particular, lighted my cigar, and told cabby to drive to Richmond.

"All right, your lordship-fare 12s. After midnight; 'opes you'll add something to drink."

So I replied, "All right," and we drove on; but I felt it was all wrong.

No sooner off the stones, having passed the statue of the Iron Duke, who looked so comfortable on his horse that I rather envied him, than I fell fast asleep, and I have reason to believe cabby followed my example. How long we slept I have never ascertained. When I awoke morning had dawned-a delicious July morning; and I put my head out of the window to gulp in the fresh air, when it occurred to mefor I had travelled the road on several occasions-that we were certainly not going to Richmond, on which I hailed the driver,

66

How far are we from Richmond?"

On which, rousing himself up, he grunted out, "Close by, your lordship, and no mistake."

"Close by!" I said; "Stop, stop! this is not Richmond."

Luckily it was the haymaking season, and men were out early, in fact two were at hand, who, on my asking them if we were on the right road, drily replied, "To Richmond? no zur, you are within 'alf-a-mile of 'Ounslow."

"Hounslow!" I observed; "where's that? I want to go to Rich

mond."

"Well, zur, you must turn then, and go over a bridge, about four miles on.'

So we turned. What were my feelings? Here I was, driving about all night in a cab, and perhaps the quiet respectable family with whom I was residing were sitting up, anxiously respecting my return, or fancying I was dead. Ah, the vitebate, the vitebate! and I was the

greatest bête of all. However, I endured; and at length we crossed the bridge at Kew, and gained Richmond.

At the centre of that pleasant little town we came to a dead standstill, and cabby descended from his throne. "What's the matter?" said I, in great excitement.

"Matter, your lordship? why my 'orse won't go no furder: that's all the matter, so please to alight.'

Now, a contentious individual (which I am not) would possibly have considered that he had forfeited his contract, as he had agreed to take me home, and would have taken his number and the law of him, and so on. I did neither: I paid the fare and gave him half-a-crown extra, on which possibly he had a vitebate night; and knowing a short cut across the meadows to the residence of my friend, walked cheerfully onwards.

How delicious was the morning air to my fevered brain! How cheering the smell of the hay-fields! How pleasant the sight of Father Thames at that early hour! I tripped across the greensward quite joyously, in anticipation of meeting my friends at breakfast. Alas! my miseries were by no means over. Arrived at my friend's house, I pulled the bell-"gingerly" I think you call it, that is, gently; well, gently, fearing to disturb at least one young lady of the family, for whom I had a great esteem-only an esteem, mark you. The first tingle of the bell was like a shot into a rookery. Lights forthwith flashed in the windows: down rushed servants dressed and half-undressed. One exclaimed, "Law, sir, we thought you had a haccident." Another distinctly told me it was near four o'clock, as if she even had been kept awake all night. And who should I meet as I entered the house but the esteemed young lady! whose anxiety was so great that she appeared in a very pretty nightcap and no crinoline-indeed, I blush to say it, in a sort of night-chemise; and, doubtless out of mere courtesy forgetting my title and sirname, and addressing me simply as Augustus, she said:

"Ah, Augustus! we have been so anxious: you are generally so early."

"Well," said I, "how kind, how very kind!-but all people have been kind to-night. My very kind friends and the vitebate detained me; but don't let me keep you up."

Ah! how I should like just to have shut her lips with a chaste kiss! but no, I am not the man to presume; so I took my bed-candlestick from her taper paw-I mean hand, rushed up to my bedroom, got out of my breeks, and into bed in a jiffy, and in ten minutes was in the land of dreams, fancying the esteemed young lady was feeding me with vitebate from a spoon.

I was up to breakfast, looking pale and interesting, with a confounded headache, and of course declared I should have been home early but for cabby's mistake. Somehow or another they did not appear to believe

I told the esteemed young lady how charming she looked in a nightcap, which in some measure appeased her. But as my friend lived in a village, where everybody knows everybody and everybody's affairs, and as my friend was much respected, everybody called to know if the "dear count" had met with an accident, as they had been told he