MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR. SIR JOHN FALSTAFF. FENTON. SHALLOW, a country justice. Persons represented. MR. FORD, two gentlemen dwelling at WILLIAM PAGE, a boy, son to Mr. Pagé. MRS. FORD. 1 T MRS. ANNE PAGE, her daughter, in love with Fenton. MRS. QUICKLY, servant to Dr. Caius. Servants to PAGE, FORD, &c. ACT I. SCENE I. Windsor. Before Page's House. Enter Justice SHALLOW, SLENDER, and Shal. Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star-chamber matter of it: if he were twenty sir John Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire, Slen. In the county of Gloster, justice of peace, and coram. Shal. Ay,cousin Slender,and Cust-alorum.t Slen. Ay, and ratolorum too; and a gentleman born, master parson; who writes himself armigero; in any bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, armigero. Shal. Ay, that we do; and have done any time these three hundred years. Sien. All his saccessors, gone before him, have done't; and all his ancestors, that come after him, may they may give the dozen white luces in their coat. Shal. It is an old coat. will be glad to do my benevolence, to make atonements and compromises between you. Shal. The Councily shall hear it; it is a riot. Eva. It is not meet the Council hear a riot; there is no fear of Got in a riot: the Council, look you, shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a riot; take your vizaments || in that. Shal. Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the sword should end it. Eva. It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it: and there is also another device in my prain, which, peradventure, prings goot discretions with it: There is Anne Page, which is daughter to master George Page, which is pretty virginity. Slen. Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks small like a woman. Eva. It is that fery verson for all the 'orld, as just as you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of monies, and gold and silver, is her grandsire, upon his death's-bed, (Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!) give, when she is Eva. The dozen white lonses do become an able to overtake seventeen years old: it were old coat well; it agrees well, passant: it is aa goot motion, if we leave our pribbles and familiar beast to man, and signifies-love. Shal. The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat. Slen. I may quarter, coz? Eva, Yes, py'r lady; if he has a quarter of your coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, in my simple conjectures: but that is all one: If sir John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you, I am of the church, and prabbles, and desire a marriage between master Abraham and mistress Anne Page. Shal. Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound? Eva. Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny. Shal, I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts. Eva. Seven hundred pounds, and possibilities, is good gifts. Shal. Well, let us see honest master Page: Is Falstaff there? A title formerly appropriated to chaplains. + Custos Rotulorum. Advisement. Soft.. Eva. Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar, as I do despise one that is false; or, as I despise one that is not true. The knight, sir John, is there; and, I beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will peat the door [knocks] for master Page. What, hoa! Got pless your house here! Enter PAGE. Page. Who's there? Slen. Marry, sir, I have matter in my head Pist. How now, Mephostophilus ||? Eva. Here is Got's plessing, and your friend, Nym. Slice, I say! pauca, pauca¶; slice! that's my humour. Slen. Where's Simple, my man?-can you tell, cousin? Shal. Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do. Slender. Slen. How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say, he was outrun on Cotsale. Page. It could not be judg'd, sir. Slen. You'll not confess, you'll not confess. Shal. That he will not ;-'tis your fault, 'tis your fault-Tis a good dog. Page. A cur, sir. Shal. Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog; Can there be more said? he is good and fair. -Is sir John Falstaff here? Page. Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good office between you. Evu. It is spoke as a christians ought to speak. Shal. He hath wrong'd me, master Page. Page. Sir, he doth in some sort confess it. Shal. If it be confess'd, it is not redress'd; is not that so, master Page? He hath wrong'd me; indeed, he hath; at a word, he hath believe me;-Robert Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wrong'd. Page. Here comes sir John. Enter Sir JOHN FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, Fal. Now, master Shallow; you'll complain of me to the king? Shal. Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and broke open my lodge. Fal. But not kiss'd your keeper's daughter? -Shul. Tut, a pin! this shall be answer'd. Ful. I will answer it straight;-I have done all this That is now answer'd. Shal. The Council shall know this. -Fal. 'Twere better for you if it were known in counsel you'll be laugh'd at. Eva. Pauca verba, sir John, good worts. Fal. Good worts +! good cabbage.-Slender, I broke your head; What matter have you against me? 1 • Cotswold in Gloucestershire. Eva. Peace, I pray you! Now let us understand: There is three umpires in this matter, as I understand: that is-master Page, fideli cet, master Page; and there is myself, fidelicet, myself; and the three party is, lastly and final Page. We three, to hear it, and end it be tween them.,'. Eva. Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my note-book; and we will afterwards 'ork upon the cause, with as great discreetly as we can. Fal. Pistol! Pist. He hears with ears. Eva. The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, He hears with ear? Why, it is affec tations. would I might never come in mine own great Slen. Ay, by these gloves, did he, (or I chamber again else,) of seven groats in millsixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards ** that cost me two shilling and two pence a-piece of Yead Miller, by these gloves. I Fal. Is this trne, Pistol? Eva. No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse. combat challenge of this latten bilbot: Nym. Be advised, sir, and pass good humours: I will say, marry trap, with you, if you run the nuthook's humour on me; that is the very note of it. Slen. By this hat, then, he in the red face had it: for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass. Fal. What say you, Scarlet and John? Bard. Why, sir, for my part, I say, the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences. Eva. It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is! Bard. And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashier'd; and so conclusions pass'd the careires¶¶. + Worts was the ancient name of all the cabbage kind. * Sharpers. Nothing but paring! The name of an ugly spirit. ¶ Few words. ** King Edward's shillings used in the game of shuttle-board. ++ Blade as thin as a lath. #Lips. If you say I am a thief. Drunk, T¶ The bounds of good behaviour. Page. Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll drink within. [Exit ANNE PAGE. Slen. O heaven! this is mistress Anne Page. Page. How now, mistress Ford? Fal. Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met: by your leave, good mistress. [kissing her. Page.Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome: Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner; come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness. [Exeunt all but SHAL. SLEND. and EVANS. Slen. I had rather than forty shillings I had my book of songs and sonnets here: Enter SIMPLE. I How now, Simple! where have you been? must wait on myself, must I? You have not The Book of Riddles about you, have you? Sim. Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake upon Allhallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas⚫ ? Slen. I hope, sir,-I will do, as it shall become one that would do reason. Eva. Nay, Got's lords and his ladies, you must speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her. Shul. That you must: Will you, upon good dowry, marry her? Slen. I will do a greater thing than that, upon your request, cousin, in any reason. Shal. Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz; what I do, is to pleasure you, coz: Can you love the maid? Slen. I will marry her, sir, at your request; but if there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married, and have more occasion to know one another: I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt: but if you say, marry her, I will marry her, that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely. Eva. It is a fery discretion answer; save, the faul' is in the 'ort dissolutely the 'ort is, according to our meaning, resolutely;-his meaning is good. la. Shal. Ay, I think my'consin meant well. Re-enter ANNE PAGE. Shal. Here comes fair mistress Anne:Would I were young, for your sake, mistress Anne ! Anne. The dinner is on the table; my fa ther desires your worships' company. Shal. I will wait on him, fair mistress Anne. Eva. Od's plessed will! I will not be ab sence at the grace. [Exeunt SHALLOW and Sir H. EVANS. Anne. Will't please your worship to come sir? Shal. Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with you, coz: marry, this, coz; There is, as 'twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by sir Hugh here;-Do you un-in, derstand me? Slen. Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; I am very well. if it be so, I shall do that that is reason. Shal. Nay, but understand me. Slen. So I do, sir. Slen. No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; Anne. The dinner attends you, sir. Slen. I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth: Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go, Eva. Give ear to his motions, master Slen-wait upon my cousin Shallow; [Exit SIMPLE. der: I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it. Slen. Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his country, simple though I stand here. Eva. But this is not the question; the question is concerning your marriage. Shal. Ay, there's the point, sir. Eva. Marry, is it; the very point of it; to mistress Anne Page. Slen. Why, if it be so, I will marry her, upon any reasonable demands. Eva. But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth, or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold, that the lips is parcel of the mouth; Therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid? *། Shal. Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her? • An intended blunder. A justice of peace sometime may be beholden to his friend for a man:-I keep but three men and a boy yet, till my mother be dead: But what though? yet I live like a poor gentleman born. Anne. I may not go in without your wor ship: they will not sit, till you come. Slen. Pfaith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as though I did. Anne. I pray you, sir, walk in. Sten. I had rather walk here, I thank you : I bruised my shin the other day with playing at sword and dagger with a master of fence, three veneyst for a dish of stewed prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? be there bears i' the town? Anne. I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of. * Slen. I love the sport well; but I shall as soon quarrel at it as any man in England: + Three set-to's, bouts, or hits. You are afraid if you see the bear loose, are you not? Anne. Ay, indeed, sir. 1 Fal. Bardolph, follow him; a tapster is a good trade: An old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered serving-man, a fresh tapster: Go; adieu. Bard. It is a life that I have desired; I will [Exit BARD. Pist. O base Gongarian wight! wilt thou the spigot wield? Slen. That's meat and drink to me, now: I have seen Sackerson * loose, twenty times; and have taken him by the chain; but, I war-thrive. rant you, the women have so cried and shriek'd at it, that it pass'dt;-but women, indeed, cannot abide le 'em; they are very ill-favoured rough things. Re-enter PAGE. "Page. Come, gentle master Slender, come; we stay for you. I.A Slen. I'll eat nothing; I thank you, sir. Page. By cock and pye, you shall not choose, sir: come, come. Slen. Nay, pray you, lead the way. 1 Slen. Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first. Slen. I'll rather be unmannerly than trou. blesome: you do yourself wrong, indeed, la. SCENE II. The same. [Exeunt. Enter Sir HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE. Eva Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius' house, which is the way: and there dwells one mistress Quickly, which is in the manner of his nurse, or his dry nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and his wringer. Nym. He was gotten in drink: Is not the humour conceited? His mind is not heroic, and there's the humour of it. Fal. I am glad I am so acquit of this tinderbox; his thefts were too open: his filching was like an unskilful singer, he kept not time. Nym. The good humour is, to steal at a minute's rest. Pist. Convey, the wise it call: Steal! foh; a ficos for the phrase!: Ful. Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels. Pist. Young ravens must have food. good. Fal. My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about. Pist. Two yards, and more. Fal. No quips now, Pistol; indeed I am in the waist two yards about: but I am now do mean to make love to Ford's wife; I about no waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I entertainment in her; she discourses,she carves, spy she gives the leer of invitation: I can construe Pist. He hath studied her well, and trans the action of her familiar style; and the hardSimp. Well, sir. Eva. Nay, it is petter yet:-give her this est voice of her behaviour, to be English'd letter; for it is a 'oman that altogether's ac-rightly, is, I am sir John Falstaff's quaintance with mistress Anne Page; and the letter is, to desire and require her to solicit your master's desires to mistress Anne Page: I pray you, be gone; I will make an end of my dinner; there's pippins and cheese to come. [Exeunt. SCENE III. A Room in the Garter Inn. Enter FALSTAFF, HOST, BARDOLPH, NYM, Fal. Mine host of the Garter;Host. What says my bully-rook? Speak scholarly and wisely. Fal. Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers. Host. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot. Fal. I sit at ten pounds a-week. Host. Thou'rt an emperor, Cæsar, Keiser, and Pheezar. I will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall tap: said I well, bully Hector? Fal. Do so, good mine host, Host. I have spoke; let him follow: Let me see thee, froth and lime: I am at a word; follow. [Exit Host. lated her well; out of honesty into English. Nym. The anchor is deep: will that humour 4 pass?.... rule of her husband's purse; she hath legions Fal. Now, the report goes, she has all the of angels 17 Pist. As many devils entertain; and, To her, boy, say I. Nym. The humour rises; it is good: humour me, the angels.; Ful, I have writ me here a letter to her and here another to Page's wife; who even now gave me good eyes too, examin'd my parts with most judicious eyliads sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly... Pist. Then did the sun on dunghill shine. Fal. O, she did so.course o'er my exteriors with such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a burning glass! Here's another letter to her: she bears the purse too; she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheater to them both, and they shall be exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West Indies, The name of a bear exhibited at Paris-Garden in Southwark. +Surpassed all expression. *For Hungarian. Gold coin. ¶ Escheatour, an officer in the Exchequer. Fig. and I will trade to them both. Go, bear thou this letter to mistress Page; and thou this to mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive. Pist. Shall I sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all! Nym. I will run no base humour; here, take the humour letter; I will keep the 'haviour of reputation. Fal. Hold, sirrah, [to RoB.] bear you these letters tightly*; go; Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.- page. [Exeunt FALSTAFF and ROBIN. Pist. Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and fulham + holds, And high and low beguile the rich and poor: Nym. I have operations in my head, which be humours of revenge. Nym. With both the humours, I': I will discuss the humour of this love to Page. How Falstaff, varlet vile, Quick. Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover's paring-knife? Sim. No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a little yellow beard; a Cain-coloured beard. Quick. A softly-sprighted man, is he not? Sim. Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall tt a man of his hands, as any is between this and his head; he hath fought with a warrener #. Quick. How say you?-O,I should remember him; Does he not hold up his head, as it were? and strut in his gait?" Sim. Yes, indeed, does he. יד'; Quick. Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune? Tell master parson Evans, I will do what I can for your master; Anne is a good girl, and I wish Caius. Vat is yon sing? I do not like dese toys; Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet un boitier verd; a box, a green-a box: Do intend vat I speak? a green-a box. Quick. Ay, forsooth, I'll fetch it you. I am glad he went not in himself; if he had found the young man, he would have been horn-mad. [Aside. CAIUS. Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je m'en vais à la Cour,-la grand affaire. Quick. Is it this, sir? Caius. Ouy; mette le au mon pocket; De- Caius. You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby: Come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to de court. His dove will prove, his gold will hold, And his soft couch defile. Nym. My humour shall not cool: I will in. cense Page to deal with poison; I will possess him with yellowness I, for the revolt of mien is dangerous: that is my true humour. Pist. Thou art the Mars of malcontents: I second thee; troop on. [Exeunt. SCENE IV. A Room in Dr. Caius's House. Enter Mrs.QUICKLY, SIMPLE, and RUGBY. Quick. What, John Rugby!-I pray thee, go to the casement, and see if you can see my master, master Doctor Caius, coming: if he do, i'faith, and find any body in the house, here will be an old abusing of God's patience, and the king's English. Rug. I'll go watch. [Exit RUGBY. Quick. Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire. An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no tell-tale, nor no breed-set bate¶: his worst fault is, that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish ** that way: but nobody but has his fault; but let that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is? Sim. Ay, for fault of a better. Quick. And master Slender's your master? Sim. Ay, forsooth. • Cleverly. Jealousy. Rug. Tis ready, sir, here in the porch. Caius. By my trot, I tarry too long:-Od's me! Qu'ay j'oublié ? dere is some simples in my closet, dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind. Quick. Ah me! he'll find the young man there, and be mad. Caius. O diable, diable! vat is in my clo?-Villany? larron! [Pulling Simple out.] Rugby, my rapier. Quick. Good master, be content. Sixpence I'll have in pocket. † False dice. Strife.de $ Instigate. tt Brave. F The keeper of a warrensdot 1$$ Scolded, reprimanded. |