what he (I did then hope) had done for my poor soul; but now I fear there is no hope for me. I cannot pray; I cannot love the Lord (though I would give all the world if I could); I cannot read my Bible; I cannot do anything. I am as Mr. L., the minister whom I sit under, says, a complete bankrupt. I have partly given up prayer, as I have nothing to say but, "Lord, convert my poor soul." When I do go, I am, as it were, dragged on my knees, and my language is, "Lord, have mercy on my poor wife and family. O convert their poor never-dying souls! O grant that they may be thy dear children, though I fear I am lost for ever! O grant that they may be converted!" I often beg of God to keep me from openly sinning, so that I may not bring a disgrace upon the cause of God. This is the state of my poor, wretched mind, and what to do I know not. I sometimes think of putting an end to my existence, as then I should know the worst of it; for no poor sinner out of hell can feel worse than I do at times. I often think, "What, if My name be left out, How shall I among them stand?" O what an awful thing it is to have no God to go to! I assure you that I feel, as it were, lost; the world can give me no comfort; my friends and relations can give me none; my dear family can give me none; and I go about from day to day ready to quarrel with every body and every thing that I meet with. I go mourning all day without the sun, and say as poor Job did, "Thou art become cruel to me." I am often ready to curse my dear parents, when I think that they were the means of bringing such a wretch into existence. I fear his mercies are clean gone for ever; and that he will be favourable no more. No doubt but you have the works of Mr. Huntington. I read his sermon on the Child of Liberty in Legal Bondage the other night, and it gave me a little hope that I am one of those children, as he speaks just the same as I feel. I often say to myself, "Well, you see you are lost for ever; you see there is no hope for such a sinner as you are; you may as well go into the world again, and enjoy the pleasures of it." But, my dear Sirs, the world has no pleasures for me. I often say, "Grant me the visits of thy face, Sometimes I think, Well, after all that, the work is begun upon my poor soul, and IF it is, O what a mercy it is to know that it will be carried on, in spite of men or devils. Yes; "Did Jesus once upon me shine? Then Jesus is for ever mine." I am sometimes sorely tried and exercised in providence; every thing seems to go wrong with me in temporal as well as spiritual matters; so that my path is so hedged up that I know not which way to take for the best. I often think I should not care what temporal troubles I had to go through, so that I could enjoy the presence of Christ in them, but it is hard work to be in trouble and to have no God to go to. Now, my dear Sirs, if you think there are any of the readers of the Standard that are exercised in the way that I am, be kind enough to let these few lines have a place in it; or if you think it will be the means of some of your correspondents seeing them, that they may be the means of giving me a lift by the way; if not, commit them to the flames. London, February, 1839. C. K. B. Beloved Brethren in the Lord our Saviour,-In a strange way a few copies of the Gospel Standard fell into my hand, and ever since I have seen and read them I have felt a deep interest in the work, and have said to myself, how, or in what way shall I procure all the numbers that have been published? and after all my thinking, I have concluded that I would sit down and write you a few lines, though it is with no small feelings of reluctance, for I am an ignorant and unlearned man; but the divine love within me constrains me, and I remember that it is written, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called; but God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty, and base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not to bring to nought things that are. Were it not so, I should not attempt to address you, for I feel my great weakness, and that I am but a small vessel, yet I feel glad and happy because I am nothing, and less than nothing, and that the Lord Jesus Christ is all and all to me, and that when I am weak then am I strong. The blessed Saviour is my life and my strength. Words cannot express the feelings of my happy soul upon this subject. O, what a blessing it is to be dead to self and worldly things, and lost in the great King of kings; to have no confidence in the flesh, but to rejoice in Christ Jesus, and to count all things loss and dross for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus, and be found in him, not having our own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith. I see by the Gospel Standard that I have divine relations in England. I should be very glad to see them, and to say unto them, "Come unto me, all ye that fear God, and I will declare unto you what he hath done for my soul." I have many, many things to say that I cannot well with ink and pen write unto you. Suffice it to say, that it is fourteen years since the blessed Lord gave me to know his love; since which time the gracious Saviour has led me in a marvellous way, a way that I knew not, and in paths that I had not known. He hath made darkness light before me, and crooked things straight; and many times, when I have been saying, "All these things are against me," they have been the very things for my good. The first six or seven years of my experience, I had life, but not liberty. I was like Lazarus; I was raised from the dead, but had on my grave clothes, and knew nothing of the blessed liberty wherewith Christ makes his people free. I knew not how by faith to "Sail o'er seas of endless light, And traverse fields of glory bright." Before faith came, I was kept under the law, shut up unto the faith which should afterwards be revealed. The most of the time I suffered great distress of soul. I had no one to tell me that salvation was all of the free grace of God, and that by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous; but I can now see that the hand of the blessed Lord was in it all, and that he was leading me from myself to himself. O, what a self-righteous and self-sufficient creature is man while in a state of nature, shut up in unbelief. But he must be led out of self, and shown by the great Teacher that it is not to him that doeth this or that, or that worketh many things, is the reward reckoned; but to him that worketh not, but believeth on him that justifieth the ungodly, his faith is counted for righteousness. Here lies the great secret which none can know but those to whom it is given. For the natural man, or the self-righteous, receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness unto him; neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. We live in the latter times, when there is a great and awful departure from the faith, and but few seem to know any thing of the highway upon which the ransomed of the Lord return and come to Zion, with songs and everlasting joy upon their heads; and it is to be feared, that what was said of Israel of old, is applicable to thousands and thousands of the present generation; "But Israel, which followed after the law of righteousness, hath not attained to the law of righteousness. Wherefore? Because they sought it not by faith, but as it were by the works of the law, for they stumbled at that stumbling stone;" and it is still true that this way is disallowed of men: it is a way above reason and nature. The world by worldly wisdom knows not God. I am telling you of things as they are in this country. The half I have not told; neither can I. Is it so in England? "O, the vain conceit of man, Dreaming of a good his own; Though the Lord is good alone. "Learn all earth, that feeble man, Sprung from this terrestrial clod, Life and power are all in God." Can you in some way, or by some person that is coming to this country, send me all the numbers of the Gospel Standard that have been printed, or that may be printed? I feel desirous for them to be introduced here. They might prove a blessing to many a lost sheep of the house of Israel. My love in the Lord to you, and all that belong to the household of faith that are in England. May grace, mercy, and peace rest upoù you; and when you write for the Standard may love divine and faith divine direct your pen.-Amen. Newark, New Jersey, Feb. 16, 1839. MAHLON FORD. SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE. (Extracted from Private Letters.) My dear Parents,-I had intended to write to you six weeks ago; but the Lord's ways are not our ways; for that morning I was taken very ill indeed; and though the Lord in some measure blessed the means used for my temporary relief, yet nine nights passed over before I was allowed even to have my bed made. The doctor would feel my pulse for ten or fifteen minutes at a time, and said I was indeed very low, both in body and nerves. Through the kind pro vidence of God, I feel better than I expected for the time, as I am now able to sit up part of the day, and knowing that you would expect a letter, I determined to write. We could only get a nurse in the day, and she took to drinking, when I had been ill a week. It was the coldest day ever remembered here, for though we had a small stove in the room, it was noon before I dared even to put my forehead out of the blankets, for it seemed keen enough to cut the skin right off. * * * It is true I have been afflicted, but in the midst of all I had my consolations. I have often thought, when reading the sufferings of my Lord and Saviour, that there was no heart so hard as mine. But in the midst of my sickness, I was led to view my sufferings only as a straw compared to what my Saviour had suffered for me. To behold him in the garden of Gethsemane, sweating great drops of blood for a wretch like me! To behold him arraigned at the bar of Pilate, answering nothing to the accusations of his enemies, standing there as my Surety! I felt there was no sin that I was not in heart guilty of; and thanks be to God for having kept me from putting some of them into execution. I was then led by faith to view my Saviour on the cross, forsaken by all but his enemies, and when athirst, offered vinegar and gall to drink, while a wretch like me had everything I needed. I had the smiles of my Saviour, but he cried out, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" I cannot describe to you how I felt. I was crumbled into nothing. I wept, and I praised, and adored his lovely name. What! my salvation finished and secured! Was it impossible for me ever to fall out of the arms of everlasting love? O! I cannot tell you what I felt. It was almost more than my poor weak body could bear. Surely I may say it was good for me to have been afflicted. I still feel the sweetness of it, and I trust I shall never forget it, till I fly to his kingdom to sing, 66 'Free grace for ever!" O what a happy day that will be for such a sinner as I. I would write more, but do not feel able. Give my love to Mr. M'K., Mr. T., Mr. P., Mr. I. K. I feel a union to a great many in the Gospel Standard. Give my love to all friends whom I once knew in church fellowship. O how I long to enjoy the earthly courts of my God; but the Lord can make up the loss. Yours, I trust, in the best of bonds as well as natural ties, Taunton, America, Feb. 13, 1839. PHEBE H. My dear Friend and Brother in the Lord Jesus Christ, I now write to you as my brother David, for I can assure you that I have and do feel a Jonathan's love to you; and what I have felt to you this morning before I arose from bed, the Lord alone knows. But there I lay, and in my mind and feelings I write to you in all the feelings of love and contrition. O what a blessed, sweet feeling is this, and how the Lord lays you upon my heart in love; bless his dear name for it. Now, I thought I could truly say, with the psalmist, that "I watered my couch with my tears," and it was with tears of heavenly love, the dear Lord was so gracious and so good to me; and why my mind should be so led out to you, as it was, I know not; but, blessed be the Lord's most holy and dear name that it was so, for the dear Lord appeared so loving and so kind to me, one of the unworthiest this side of hell. O! it breaks my heart to pieces to think of his loving-kindness towards me, for he showed me that, when my heart backslides from him, then he gives me a frown, which causes me to go with confessions and entreaties for him to forgive me; and then I have found the bowels of his compassion to yearn over me again, and I am clasped again to his loving heart, and am wrapt in his everlasting arms, and I have a promise that he will never leave me nor yet forsake me. O! it seems now, at this time, almost too much for me, for I feel myself a filthy, vile wretch, resting in the arms of everlasting love and mercy. I had, this morning, such a sense of his divine love and mercy to my soul, as I have not had for some time past. The dear Lord has highly favoured me these few weeks past, so that my soul has been led forth with blessing and praises to his dear name. Now, the Lord knoweth that I love both you and yours with a true love, for I have had sweet communion with you both, so that my soul has been knit unto you; and, O how my soul laboured with the Almighty this morning for you, that you might be full of the Holy Ghost, and that divine love might inflame your hearts; but, at the same time, this scripture rolled over in my mind, saying, “He that is married careth for the things of the world, how he may please his wife; and the woman, how she may please her husband;" which I know, and so do you, is quite right, if it does not come betwixt the heart and God, which I have known a little of, and have felt keenly for it; but I do believe the Almighty has set his love upon you both; and that when you end this life, it will be in the true faith of the Son of God, and you will enter into the mansions of eternal bliss and glory. Now, I write this as the true belief of my heart, with a feeling sense of the same. I have felt truly sorry that there has been so little communion between us lately; but I can say, and blessed be the Lord's d ar name for it, that I have held sweet communion with him; and now, being taught by the word of God and guided by the Spirit, I have but one object to look unto, and that is Jesus; and but one way to get anything from him, and that is by faith, which stands in the operation of God; and, having this evidence in my soul, it brings me into sweet union with Christ, where there is free, full, and eternal salvation, which is made ours, feelingly, by believing. Blessed be God, he has the ordering of all things, and is in every event, for not a sparrow falls without his notice, not a hair of our head but is numbered, and the Lord knows that I would wish to leave all my cares in his hand, for him to manage them for me. Dear friends, I wish we were more feelingly acquainted with our dear Jesus; yet, I believe, I do know a little of him, and this is a blessed knowledge indeed. Believe me, it is something like a paradise here below, when we have the sweet smiles of his gracious face, and the rich embraces of his heavenly love, which melt and run through our inmost souls; but this is a subject that has no end, and |