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one. It is only natural that what ordinary fathers and mothers detest more than anything else in the world is having to decide which of their offspring is in the wrong in a domestic quarrel. But wet days are certain to bring about such home broils, in which it is very difficult for the parent to intervene except by the rough and ready-though often essentially unjust-method of punishing, or at any rate reprimanding, the one who happens to have emerged least hurt from the scuffle.

Though the plan has about it a kind of natural equity a sort of 'equality of sacrifice,' to borrow a phrase from the regions of finance-which may be supposed to recommend it to the youthful mind, Paterfamilias usually dislikes employing it. In fact, all attempts to administer justice to schoolboys are peculiarly unpleasant, since their code of honour necessarily renders it impossible for either combatant to make known, even in the slightest degree, the rights of the dispute. Add to this that the girls of the family, who were petted by their brothers when they first came home, are, toward the end of the Vacation, in obedience to the universal law that familiarity breeds contempt, mercilessly teased, fagged, and harried. If we take this into account, and remember, too, that the servants, who to begin with thought nothing more amusing than the young gentlemen's apple-pie beds and booby traps, have reached the verge of mutiny by the fifth week, and it is not difficult to realise that the beginning of the next half is greeted with as much joy as was the end of the last.

With boys who go to Day-schools it is quite possible to arrange a modus vivendi without making them unduly

good and quiet. But the holidays of the boy at the Boarding-school have too much of the nature of a Saturnalia to make them pleasant for parents, at any rate after the first month. When the fourth week is past the coming term is looked forward to with undisguised delight.

1

THE SOCIETY BOARDER

If we are to judge from the advertisements that are constantly appearing in the Times' and other newspapers, it is by no means an uncommon thing for 'ladies of title' to take 'young ladies' or 'gentlemen into their houses as boarders, and to give them, for a consideration generally by no means small, the privileges of an aristocratic home. Take the following example of an advertisement that appeared in an important newspaper, inserted by a lady wanting a society boarder.

'A

WOMAN of TITLE, moving in the first

Society, will RECEIVE a Young Lady into her house as a FRIEND. Terms, £2,000 per annum. Any introduction of such will be handsomely acknowledged. "PATRICIAN," 13,720.'

'Patrician' is evidently a person of fine aristocratic feeling. Note the use of the phrase 'a woman of title.' She is quite aware of the way in which 'the best people' talk about themselves, and evidently, to borrow her own somewhat Gampish phraseology, wishes to be known as 'such.' The boarder, it is assumed, will be of a lower social rank. This is marked by the reference to her as 'a young lady.' The 'woman of title' would, no doubt,

have advertised for 'a girl out, or just coming out,' had she wanted' one of us.' She clearly desired to have a person belonging to the wealthy lower orders, and so advertised for 'a young lady.' Experience doubtless teaches that 'young ladies' not only pay much better, but also are much easier to manage than 'girls.' Another typical advertisement runs as follows:

:

HE YOUNG ORPHAN DAUGHTER of

TH

a Baronet wishes to RESIDE with a Noble Family, where she will be treated as a friend and find a home. Honoraria given, £1,000 a year.

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That these society boarders wanting homes to board in and women of title wanting society boarders are perfectly genuine we have no sort of doubt; and if we could know all the secrets of Mayfair, Belgravia, and the regions in and around Kensington we should probably discover that we all know a great number of society boarders. For obvious reasons the boarder and the family in which she boards are anxious to conceal the cash nexus which binds them together, which makes them sit in the same carriage, occupy the same pew at church, and engage 'next stalls' at the theatre. Hence the outer world hears nothing of the private and 'strictly confidential' arrangement which the 'young American widow' is anxious to make with 'a lady moving in the highest society,' the lady to act as 'her chaperon, &c.,' and hears of the appearance of a new girl at the Joneses' without suspicion.

Ultimately, however, the time will arrive when the thing will have become too common to be concealed any longer, and society will awake with a start to find

that the 'cousins' and 'great friends of my eldest girl,' who have been lately so conspicuous, are in reality what the advertisements euphemistically term ' paying guests.' At present, when the Joneses ask Sir George and Lady Brown, Miss Brown, and Miss Cicely Brown to an 'at home,' and when Lady Brown asks to bring as well 'Miss Swartz, a sort of niece of my husband's,' or 'a friend of Cicely's who is staying with us for the winter to see a little of London,' the Joneses think nothing about it, and are, of course, delighted. Ten to one, indeed, Mrs. Jones is quite pleased, for she probably fancies—it is so easy to fancy such things about one's acquaintances that someone told her that Sir George had some very rich relations with an odd name, and no doubt Miss Swartz is one of them. 'It is all very well for the girls to object to what they call "unknown females" being foisted on us to entertain; but, considering how foolish Edward is about every girl he sees, it's just as well sometimes to have people to the house who ar'n't utter paupers.' Omne ignotum pro magnifico; and Miss Swartz-' a sort of niece of my husband's '-is sure to be taken for an heiress.

When, however, it is realised that she is a paying guest' the desire to entertain her becomes very much less. It is true she may still be, and probably is, an heiress; but then the suggestion, 'There must be something wrong, or she wouldn't want to pay the Browns 2,000l. a year to take her out,' spoils all. Besides, 'Why should the Browns have all that money, and we entertain their boarders?' is a question which is at once put to themselves by all the Browns' friends. We fear, then, that what the Germans, with their remorseless logic

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