Sneer. O, but I wouldn't have told you-only to divert you. Sir Fret. I know it-I am diverted.-Ha! ha ha!-not the least invention !-Ha! ha! ha!-very good!-very good. Sneer. Yes-no genius! Ha! ha! ha! Dang. A severe rogue! Ha! ha! ha! But you are quite right, Sir Fretful, never to read such nonsense. Sir Fret. To be sure-for if there is anything to one's praise, it is a foolish vanity to be gratified at it; and, if it is abuse,-why one is always sure to hear of it from one confounded good-natured friend or another! Sheridan. Ex. 200. The Rivals. Enter SIR LUCIUS O'TRIGGER and ACRES, with pistols. Acres. By my valour! Then, Sir Lucius, forty yards is a good distance. Odds levels and aims!-I say it is a good distance. Sir Luc. Is it for muskets or small field-pieces? Upon my conscience, Mr. Acres, you must leave those things to me. Stay now-I'll show you,-[Measures paces along the floor.] There now, that is a very pretty distance-a pretty gentleman's distance. Acres. Zounds! we might as well fight in a sentry-box! I tell you, Sir Lucius, the farther he is off, the cooler I shall take my aim. Sir Luc. Faith! then I suppose you would aim at him best of all if he was out of sight! Acres. No, Sir Lucius; but I should think forty or eightand-thirty yards— Sir Luc. Pho! pho! nonsense! Three or four feet be tween the mouths of your pistols is as good as a mile. Acres. Odds bullets, no!-by my valour! there is no merit in killing him so near; do, my dear Sir Lucius, let me bring him down at a long shot :—a long shot, Sir Lucius, if you love me! Sir Luc. Well, the gentleman's friend and I must settle that. But tell me now, Mr. Acres, in case of an accident, is there any little will or commission I could execute for you? Acres. I am much obliged to you, Sir Lucius-but I don't understand Sir Luc. Why, you may think there's no being shot at without a little risk-and if an unlucky bullet should carry a quietus with it-I say it will be no time then to be bothering you about family matters. Acres. A quietus! Sir Luc. For instance, now-if that should be the casewould you choose to be pickled and sent home ?—or would it be the same to you to lie here in the Abbey ?—I'm told there is very snug lying in the Abbey. Acres. Pickled!-Snug lying in the Abbey !—Odds tremors! Sir Lucius, don't talk so. Sir Luc. I suppose, Mr. Acres, you never were engaged in an affair of this kind before. Acres. No, Sir Lucius, never before. Sir Luc. Ah! that's a pity!-there's nothing like being used to a thing-Pray, now! how would you receive the gentleman's shot? Acres. Odds files !-I've practised that-there, Sir Lucius, there.-[Puts himself in an attitude.] A side front, hey? Odd! I'll make myself small enough: I'll stand edgeways. Sir Luc. Now-you're quite out-for if you stand so when I take my aim—[Levelling at him.] -are you sure it is not cocked? Acres. Zounds! Sir Lucius-a Acres.--But-but--you don't know-it may go off of its own head! Sir Luc. Pho! be easy. Well now, if I hit you in the body, my bullet has a double chance-for if it misses a vital part of your right side-'twill be very hard if it don't succeed on the left. Acres. A vital part! Sir Luc. But, there-fix yourself so-[placing him]-let him see the broadside of your full front-there-now a ball or two may pass clean through your body, and never do any harm at all. Acres. Clean through me!—a ball or two clean through me! Sir Luc. Ay-may they-and it is much the genteelist attitude into the bargain. Acres. Lookee! Sir Lucius-I'd just as lieve be shot in an awkward posture as a genteel one: so, by my valour! I will stand edgeways. Sir Luc. [Looking at his watch.] Sure they don't mean to disappoint us-Hah!-no, faith-I think I see them coming. Acres. Hey!-what-coming! Sir Luc. Ay.-Who are those yonder getting over the tile? Acres. There are two of them, indeed!-well-let them come-hey, Sir Lucius !--we-we-we-we-won't run. Sir Luc. Run! Acres. No-I say we won't run, by my valour ! Sir Luc. What's the matter with you? Acres. Nothing-nothing-my dear friend-my dear Sir Lucius--but I—I—I don't feel quite so bold, somehow, as I did. Sir Luc. O fy!-consider your honour. Do, Sir Lucius, edge in a word or two every now and then about my honour. Sir Luc. Well, here they're coming. [Looking.] Acres. Sir Lucius-if I warn't with you, I should almost think I was afraid.---If my valour should leave me !-Valour will come and go. Sir Luc. Then pray keep it fast while you have it. Acres. Sir Lucius-I doubt it is going-yes-my valour is certainly going!—it is sneaking off?--I feel it oozing out, as it were, at the palms of my hands! Sir Luc. Your honour-your honour.--Here they are. Acres. O mercy!-now-that I was safe at Clod Hall!-or could be shot before I was aware. Sheridan. A DEBATE ON THE QUESTION— Ex, 201. Are the Mental Capacities of the Sexes equal? The Chairman.-Gentlemen, I feel very highly the honour you have done me by placing me in the chair. I will not waste your time, however, by inflicting a speech upon you, but will proceed at once to the proper business of the meeting. The question we are to discuss is as follows [Reads from a roll of paper]:-Are the mental capacities of the sexes equal?' I beg to call upon the Opener to commence the debate. I have only to add that I hope the discussion will be carried on in a manner befitting the importance and gravity of the subject. (Loud cries of 'hear, hear.' [The chairman resumes his seat, and the opener rises.] The Opener.-Sir, In rising to open the question which has been put from the chair, I assure you that I feel I stand in need of much indulgence. I expect no small amount of reproach and contumely for the part I mean to take in this debate; for I know the gallantry of many of my friends around me, and I fully make up my mind to smart under the weight of it. However, I prefer truth to reputation, and I do not mind a wound or two in a cause that I feel to be right. I will meet my fate boldly at all events; and I will at once declare that, so far as I have been enabled to judge, I have been led to believe that the mental capacities of the sexes are not equal;-that the man's intellect is, on the average, superior to the woman's. I am quite ready to own that this rule will not hold universally. One cannot read the records of the world-one cannot look round his own circle of acquaintance,—without perceiving that some women are superior to some men. But I arrive at my present judgment, by observing that the best samples of the male sex are far superior to the best samples of the female sex; and that the bulk of the male sex is far superior to the bulk of the female sex. We see this proved whichever way we turn. In history, which shines the brighter-the male sex, or the female? Look among Sovereigns. Where is the female Cæsar?-the female Alfred?-the female Alexander? Or take Legislators. What woman have we to compare with Solon or Lycurgus ? Where are the female philosophers, moreover ? Where is their Socrates—their Plato-their Newton? In literature, too-are the great names those of the fairer, or of the sterner, sex? Homer, Shakspere, Milton, Byron,-what lady-writers equal these? I shall not enter into the philosophical part of the question at all. Facts are the strongest arguments, and facts I have produced. Besides, I dare say that some of my supporters will choose that view of the matter; and into their hands I am quite willing to resign it. I feel that I should weaken my cause were I to say more. I therefore commit the question to the fair and full discussion of the meeting, quite convinced that a just conclusion will at length be arrived at. Second Speaker.-Sir, My friend who has just resumed his seat has regarded this question as it is answered by history. I will view it by the light of reason and philosophy. I think then that women were meant to be inferior to men. The female of every kind of animal is weaker than the male, and why should a distinction be made with the human species? The sphere which the female is called domestic one. To rule and to command He is here to govern and to guide. man. upon to fill is the is the sphere of Now the exercise of authority requires greater mental power than the duties of the other sex demand; and I think that man would not have been called upon to rule without having the power to rule conferred upon him. What would follow if Woman were endowed with the highest intellect? Why that instead of tempering society with grace and softness, she would embitter it with the asperities of debate; that instead of being man's comforter and better angel, she would be his intellectual antagonist, ever at wordy war with him; that instead of refining the hearts of those who come within the reach of her gentle influence, she would continually spur; excite, and agitate their minds. Where would be man's refuge from the corroding cares of life and thought ?—Where would be his domestic comfort and happiness ?—Where would be the unutterable delight that now dwells in the magic word 'HOME,' if woman were more intellectually subtle than she is? All these true joys would be lost to us; and woman, instead of earning our gratitude and affection by creating them, would be studying metaphysics-diving into theology -or searching out new stars. It seems to me that the very happiness of the world depends upon the inequalities and differences existing in the minds of the sexes, and therefore I shall vote with my friend, the opener. Third Speaker.-Sir, I rise to defend the ladies. I admit the ability of my two friends who have preceded me, but I dispute their arguments, and I utterly deny their conclusions. I shall deal with the opener only, and leave the other gentleman to the tender mercies of succeeding speakers. Our friend referred us to History: very unfortunately, I think. He spoke of Rulers. Where is the female Cæsar ? said he and the female Alexander? I am proud to replyNowhere. No, Sir, the fair sex claim no such murderers, no such usurpers, no such enemies of mankind. They cannot boast of having carried fire and sword amongst defenceless nations for the sake of conquest and plunder;-of having trodden down, with remorseless heel, the sweet flowers of peace and domestic happiness ;-of having spread desolation and death wherever they have gone. But perhaps it is as Heroes that our friend would have Cæsar and Alexander viewed! Well, then, the fair sex has its heroes too! Look among martyrs-you will find them there ;-look_among dauntless demanders of right-you will find them there ;look among the patient endurers of calamity and sorrow— you will find them there! They have no Alexanders-they have no Cæsars-but they have the courage and the bravery |