That's the scamp that has done this scandalous thing! That's the thief that has got my Lord Cardinal's ring!"

The poor little jackdaw,

When the monks he saw,

Feebly gave vent to the ghost of a caw,
And turned his bald head as much as to say:
"Pray be so good as to walk this way!"
Slower and slower

He limped on before,

Till they came to the back of the belfry door,
Where the first thing they saw,

'Midst the sticks and the straw,

Was the Ring, in the nest of that little jackdaw.

Then the great Lord Cardinal called for his book,
And off that terrible curse he took;

The mute expression

Served in lieu of confession,

And, being thus coupled with full restitution,
The jackdaw got plenary absolution!

When those words were heard,

The poor little bird

Was so changed, in a moment, 'twas really absurd;
He grew sleek and fat;

In addition to that,

A fresh crop of feathers grew thick as a mat!
His tail waggled more

Even than before;

But no longer it wagged with an impudent air,
No longer he perched on the Cardinal's chair.
He hopped now about,
With a gait devout;

At matins, at vespers, he never was out;
And if any one lied, or if any one swore―
That good jackdaw

Would give a great caw,

As much as to say: "Don't do so any more!"

Richard Harris Barham, abridged.

First, the Lips took it up, and their reason was this:
That the Nose was a bane both to beauty and love,
And they never, moreover, in comfort could kiss,
For that horrid protuberance jutting above!

Then Eyes, not behind in the matter to be,

With a sparkle began, as I've oftentimes seen 'em, And vowed, it was perfectly shocking to see

Such a lump of deformity sticking between 'em. The Cheeks, with a blush, said, "the frightfulest shade, By the Nose, o'er their bloom and their beauty was thrown;" And Ears couldn't bear the loud trumpeting noise, Whenever that troublesome member was blown!

So 'twas moved, and agreed, without dallying more,
To thrust the intruder, at once, from the face,
But Nose, hearing this, most indignantly swore,

"By the breath of his nostrils, he'd stick to his place!"
Then, addressing the Eyes, he went learnedly through
His defence, and inquired," when their vigor was gone,
Pray what would their worship for spectacles do,

If the face had no Nose to hang spectacles on ?"

"Mankind," he observed, "loved their scent, as their sight; Or who'd care a farthing for myrtles and roses? And the charge of the Lips was as frivolous quite;

For, if Lips fancied kissing, pray, why mightn't Noses? As for Ears," and, in speaking, Nose scornfully curled,"Their murmurs were equally trifling and teasing, And not all the Ears, Eyes, or Lips in the world, Should keep him unblown, or prevent him from sneezing."

"To the Cheeks," he continued, "he acted as screen,
And guarded them oft from the wind and the weather;
And but that he stood, like a landmark, between,
The face had been nothing but cheek altogether!"
With eloquence thus he repelled their abuse,
With logical clearness defining the case;

And from thence came the saying, so frequent in use,
That an argument's plain "as the nose on your face!"
New Monthly Magazine.

PERILS OF THE PAVE.

JUMPING Over gutters,
Wading thro' the flood,
Ploughing thro' the slush,
Tumbling in the mud,
Squatting in the puddles-
Bless me! this is nice,
Slopping through the water,
Slipping on the ice.

Men of every class,
In such falling weather,
Find it very easy,

Tumbling down together.
Pillars of the church,

Servants of the devil,

Here they very quickly

Find a common level.

Very sharp young fellow
Makes a perfect flat,
Rusty, fusty bachelor

Tumbles on his hat.
Strictly temperate man,

Who has ne'er been fuddled,

Staggers here and falls,

Dreadfully be-muddled.

Corpulent old lady,

Radiant with blushes, Ere she can cry "Ned,"

To the pavement rushes. Affluent old butcher

With a solemn frown,
Says "He's very sorry
Beef is going down."

Antiquated maiden,
Easy to disturb,
Violently seats her

On the filthy curb,

Witty man assisting,

Says, "Trust you haven't hurt you;

Judging from position,

You must be gutta percha."

Policeman on corner,
Holding up the wall,
Suddenly in slipping

Can't arrest his fall.
Curious little boy,
Walking with his par,
Anxiously inquires

If that's a falling star ?"

Yellow-kidded dandy,

Dressed in height of fashion, Falls into a puddle,

And then into a passion.
Finding that he's going,
In his wild alarm,

Tries to break his tumble-
Only breaks his arm.

Here a robust, sober,
Hearty-looking Quaker,

Lays himself out flat,
Sans an undertaker.
Then a jolly soul,

Full of gin and porter,
Quickly drops his rum,

And takes to dirty water.

Smiling little girls,

Charming little trippers, Slip along the pave,

As if they had on slippers;

Skipping over streams,

No wider than their thumbs,

Show their pretty teeth,

And horrid ugly gums.

Broken-winded horses,
Pulling all they're able,
Frequently get stalled,

But seldom in the stable.

Passengers in 'busses,

Dreadfully aggravated,

From their fellow creatures
Are wholly isolated.

Jumping over gutters,
Wading thro' the flood,
Plowing thro' the slush,
Tumbling in the mud,
Squatting in the puddles-
Bless me! this is nice,
Slopping thro' the water,
Slipping on the ice.

Phila. Evening Bulletin.

THE NEW BALLAD OF LORD LOVELL.

Lord Lovell he sat in St. Charles's Hotel,

In St. Charles's Hotel sat he,

As fine a case of a Southern swell,

As ever you'd wish to see.

Lord Lovell the town had vowed to defend,

A-waving his sword on high,

He swore that his last ounce of powder he'd spend, And in the last ditch he'd die.

He swore by black and he swore by blue,
He swore by the stars and bars,
That never he'd fly from a Yankee crew
While he was a son of Mars.

He had fifty thousand gallant men,

Fifty thousand men had he,

Who had all sworn with him that they'd never surren

Der to any tarnation Yankee.

He had forts that no Yankee alive could take,

He had iron-clad boats a score,

And batteries all around the lake,

And along the river shore.

Sir Farragut came with a mighty fleet,
With a mighty fleet came he,

And Lord Lovell instanter began to retreat
Before the first boat he could see.